Spirit

Encouragement from the Scriptures necessary for spiritual wellness.

It Would Be So Easy

by ladypbwiggins

It would be so easy to hate the shooter in the Charleston Church.

Nine dead for no obvious reason but hatred.

It would be so easy to hate the system and environment that bred that hatred.

It would  be so easy to travel back in time to slavery in the Carolinas and

Hate all slave owners, slave brokers and the good people who said nothing.

It would be so easy to blame his parents and

Hate them.

It would be so easy!

But rather I choose to do the HARD thing.

I choose to pray for the hearts and minds of the victims’ families

That they forgive the shooter in the midst of their grief.

I choose to pray for change in the shooter’s mind.

Living life abundantly, securely not fearfully for others.

I choose to forgive the system that bred this hatred.

I choose to understand that they are not living free

But bound in the prison of hatred and they don’t know it.

I choose the HARD thing.

Otherwise, I will become bound in the chains of hate;

My words will shoot the bullets of anger and hatred.

I will become him.

I choose the Hard thing.

27  “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28  bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 

Luke 6:27-28 (ESV) 

“Moment” Lessons

by ladypbwiggins

It has been almost two months since my husband’s heart attack. There have been so many life changing moments since that night. Each moment was a lesson in seeing through the lens of “Cause God Said So!”

One Specific Lesson Moment

I thought the hardest part was during the attacks. Little did I know the hardest times would be dealing with medical professionals. What made that so hard you might ask?

Attitude!

Yes, attitude; mine and theirs.

I have met some really great professionals during this journey and I am very grateful to them. But…

I have met some really arrogant “professionals.” Some doctors think their degree and training elevated them to a position higher than God. They believe they are infallible. They do not treat people but diseases. The most arrogant and collectively obnoxious was a skilled neurological team that did not see my husband the man but a specimen that needed to be commanded into some pre-defined category. They didn’t even regard the observations of the nurses on the team who were the front line for gathering intel. It never occurred to them that the person they were commanding was really manipulating them. Had they considered the man and the comments of the nurses, they would have known there was more to know.

These doctors decided that my husband’s mental condition was frail and we should accept that he is just barely above “vegetative” status. They said this in his presence. Now I must tell you that their job was to determine if he was mentally capable of understanding instructions to take care of a defibrillator implant. It turns out, he did not want the surgery. (He had a tracheotomy so he couldn’t verbally tell us) He decided to behave in a manner consistent with their findings when they came in to evaluate him. It became a very entertaining time for us and the nursing staff. We watched my husband transition from a very engaging, communicative, responsive man to a near zombie when they walked into the room. When they left, he returned to that communicative, responsive man. Now tell me, who was commanding whom?

My lesson was more about me than them. I wanted to tell them how arrogant they were. I wanted to remind them that they did not know everything and they should learn to listen to others. I wanted to remind them that they were just practicing and God was holding the deity spot for himself. That was what I wanted. God’s Spirit kept me quiet and showed me my unbecoming attitude. There was a better way to handle this. It came in the form of a survey.

More importantly, my attitude changed. I realized I could not change them in a state of anger. I realized I could not change them at all. That is God’s job. My job was to advocate for my husband with respect, God’s wisdom, firmness and love. It has been hard. I haven’t always succeeded but I am getting there.

I have so many more “moment” lessons to share but this one seems ongoing. I am sure it will pop up again. It is all about the attitude.

Because God Said So!

by ladypbwiggins

On March 26, 2015, my husband had a heart attack. While the paramedics worked to revive him, I prayed.

Lord, if it is his time, I don’t want him to suffer. If it is not, please heal him completely.

At that moment, he was revived and breathing on his own. God said it wasn’t his time. The scripture God gave me was Psalm 91.

It basically says, the one who sits down in the hiding place of the most High God shall stop and remain in the shade of protection that He provides. David, the writer, lists benefits of being in the shade of the Almighty. Conditions and the outcome of fulfilling those conditions are given. This is the part I felt was speaking of Carl.

Because he (Carl) has set his love on Me (God), I will deliver and protect Him.

When he calls me I will answer.

When he is in trouble I will rescue him and honor him

With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation (deliverance, victory and prosperity)

I was and am determined to believe if God allowed David to experience that, he was telling me that Carl would also. You may think I am crazy but I believe God. He Said So!

As the days went by I held on to that belief and accepted every small progress toward healing as confirmation and then he acquired pneumonia. I wasn’t shaken, it was just a delay. It turned out to be a long, intensely trying, delay.

On April 16 there was another cardiac attack. I watched as the team in ICU worked on him. I couldn’t believe all those people and machines got in that already filled room. The quickness and precision with which they moved was mind-blowing. It was a very organized, efficient, chaos. After he was revived, I sat wondering if I heard God wrong because this was not looking so good. Somewhere in there I realized Psalm 91 applied to me also. I asked God to clear up my confusion. The next day, Carl had another attack. I watched the team go into action. Suddenly the Code Blue light and alarm went off. One of the nurses said they were not needed. He had revived himself. They were amazed because they knew his heart was too weak to do that.

Many of you would say he was lucky. I say God answered my prayer. He showed me that he was doing a healing work in Carl and to trust him. To confirm this, one of my church sisters came to visit that Saturday and she read a scripture that she felt strongly was given to her regarding Carl. It was Psalm 41. Again a condition and a promise.

Psalm 41:1-3 (NKJV)
1  Blessed is he who considers the poor; The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.
2  The LORD will preserve him and keep him alive, And he will be blessed on the earth; You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies.
3  The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed

Carl slept. I fought a different kind of battle while he slept. I talked about it in The Battle post. I will just say here that it was hard and hard fought. However, I learned a lot. A day or so passed and I prayed another prayer. This time it was Lord, how long should I let him stay on these machines. He doesn’t want to live like this. Is he still with us and will he have a good quality of life after it is all over? All these things I cried out to God about because he promised to answer me. When I got to the hospital, Carl was sitting up, eyes wide open and smiling at the nurse. God answered.

So here we are, almost a month later, with him still on the ventilator but there is no arterial blockage. The doctors’ plan of attack is to make his heart strong enough to get a defibrilator implanted. My plan is to watch God restore his heart completely to newness. That was what I asked for in the first place, complete healing. I had another lesson to learn during all of this. It is not enough to see God work and believe while looking at your circumstance. Walking by faith in its purest state is not seeing the circumstance but seeing beyond it. Seeing only what God said regardless of what everything looks like around you. God defies our reasoning.

Has Carl been healed? Not according to the doctors. BUT… I see a perfectly pumping heart in the chest of the man I love and it is simply because

God said so!

I Was Wrong!

by ladypbwiggins

About midnight I posted The Battle. I talked a little about the struggle I was having between my Faith and my Sight.This morning about 3:15 I realized I was not doing my assignment correctly. I was all wrong. What do you mean, Pat? Are you saying God can’t heal your husband? Are you saying that you don’t believe anymore? Are you saying it is too hard to have faith in this circumstance. Absolutely not! I was doing my homework from the wrong perspective.

At 3:15 am, I realized I was still focusing on what I saw. What I saw dictated my prayer, my attitude, my fatigue. I wondered why I no longer had peace like I did in the beginning of this journey. I couldn’t give up; Too stubborn for that and too many people watching my behavior and my words. I was tormented by thoughts of final plans and insurance policies. Would Deborah get here in time? How did this line up with “I am trusting God to heal him?” It didn’t. I really want to see through the eyes of faith. I wanted and still want God to reverse the situation because only He can do it. I want Him to be glorified. believers strengthened and people drawn.  I thought I was really standing on His word. I was doing some kind of hybrid. I saw, I believed what I saw was reality and then I tried to have the faith that God could change it if He wanted to.

I realized I was just like Job and the lesson I was to learn was his lesson. God wanted me to know who He is. My attention should have been on the abilities of God. It should have been on the character and power of God. What I saw did not matter.

Job 42:1-6 (God’s Word translation)
1  Then Job answered the LORD,
2  “I know that you can do everything and that your plans are unstoppable.
3  “{You said,} ‘Who is this that belittles my advice without having any knowledge {about it}?’ Yes, I have stated things I didn’t understand, things too mysterious for me to know.
4  “{You said,} ‘Listen now, and I will speak. I will ask you, and you will teach me.’
5  I had heard about you with my own ears, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.
6  That is why I take back what I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show that I am sorry.”

Job 42:1-6 (New KJV)
1  Then Job answered the LORD and said:
2  “I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
3  You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
4  Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
5  “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You.
6  Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes.”

I submit myself, my  mind and sight to you Lord. Help me see You and Your plan. 

After That First Moment

by ladypbwiggins

I sat in the hospital admissions office filling out paper.

“Of course I want you to treat him.

” Of course I want you to do whatever is necessary.

Why would I say no? My mind wondering who thinks up these questions to ask people in an emergency.   My reasonable, logical mind knows the answer. The hospital must ask for liability reason but in that moment I thought it was asinine.

I wanted answers to my questions and I wanted them now!

“Where is my husband and what are they doing?”

“‘Why want they come and get me?”

I waited almost two hours and I still don’t know why. Finally the admissions clerk got tired of waiting and went to check. The emergency room team had stabilized him but didn’t remember to come and get me. I managed to stay calm during the two hours of not knowing. Oh how I wanted so badly to have him transferred from that hospital to my home hospital. It didn’t happened. God what are you teaching me?

He was admitted and moved to ICU. I waited almost 24 hours before I saw a doctor. Supposedly he communicated with the staff but not me. I was calm but felt the rage rising. When he came I felt the ice cold chill emanating from me. I can only guess what he felt. (I must say the nursing staff was really nice and tried to be as helpful as possible.) The only good thing he accomplished as far as I was concerned was getting my husband transferred to Kaiser Permanente-Fontana.

I decided in that moment that I would not wait for doctors for my answers. I would assert myself into their rounds discussions and ask my questions. I would listen to orders verbally given to the nurses. I would ask the nurses what they were doing and why they were doing it. God gave me favor with the doctors, nurses and therapists. He gave me the correct way to approach them. Amazingly, it was with the gentleness of a lamb and the shrewdness of the serpent. Only His Spirit could do that. I watched myself operate in His humility and kindness. It feels good and it is powerful. I hope I never lose this. I better understand

“The meek shall inherit the earth.”

 

 

I Lost Myself

by ladypbwiggins

I lost myself

Where did I go?

I lost myself.

So busy being strong

I LOST myself.

What did I do wrong?

I see me lurking

Out of the corner of my eyes.

My face so sad

Wanting to be vibrant again.

Wanting to be free to

Enjoy hobbies, ocean waves,

Beach walks, mountain hikes,

Or a day on the sewing machine.

I lost MY SELF.

I see me but

I seem so out of reach.

How do I discover me

Again?

Faith or Sight? Choose!

by ladypbwiggins

Several years ago I posted this during a personal medical crisis. I felt led to repost as a reminder to me and other believers as we walk through this most recent national health crisis.

7 For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 NKJV

I have heard that scripture cited so very much over my life. I even thought I knew what it meant. I thought….

On Friday, April 10, 2015 I realized I didn’t get it before. God said to me “Your behavior does not match your words. Are you really walking by faith or are you really walking by sight wrapped in limited faith.”

Let me give you some context.

At Eagles Wings Christian Church, we have been focusing a lot lately on “Walking by Faith, Not by Sight.” There are new activities that we want to accomplish and it will require faith to do it.

On Sunday, March 1, 2015, God spoke through our praise leader that everything would be alright. She uncontrollably kept repeating “everything will be alright.” We said Amen. What we didn’t understand that a few short minutes later, the pastor, my husband, would pass out just before taking the pulpit. Apparently, his blood pressure dropped and so did he. The emergency response team was called and he was revived and taken to the hospital. That morning the believers swarmed him with prayer. I felt no fear just prayerful power. After all we had been told “everything would be alright.”

The teachings continued and we as a church expected every week for a miracle. Little did we know God had an object lesson planned. On March 26th, God’s lesson began. “In That Moment” and “After the First Moment” tell the story so I invite you to read those posts.

This is where the Friday conversation becomes relevant. We talked about walking by faith and not by sight at church and among believers. That basically means we live, make decisions based on the faith that we have in some thing or someone not by what we observe in the circumstance. The scripture that was laid on my mind when my husband had his heart attack was Psalm 91 especially verses 14-16. I told everyone that I was standing in faith on this scripture for my husband’s recovery.

Here was my contradiction.

Sight said

He had a loss of oxygen. Brain damage

His heart has a 10-20% refraction – doesn’t pump blood strongly enough

Needs a defibrillator or other surgery

Prognosis is not so good.

The practical and realistic thinking person says let’s do what is medically necessary to save and improve his life. I mean it is reasonable right?

Faith says Psalm 91

Psalm 91:14-16 (NKJV)
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me,

therefore I will deliver him;

I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him

and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,

And show him My salvation.”

God said “You said Psalm 91 was your faith anchor while you make preparations to satisfy sight.” His question was clear. “Will you totally and completely trust me and my word? Choose.”

Do I listen to faith or sight? I chose faith. In that choice, I signed up to behave or live according to faith not what I see. Yes, I gather all the information from the doctors. I ask questions to understand what the doctors are doing. I then turn all that over to God and remind Him what He said.

Until God says something different, I am expecting everything that He said in Psalm 91. My husband fulfills the conditions and I choose to trust God’s Word. It is my choice to live, walk, behave according to faith not just mentally believe.

Questionable Fruit Trees

by ladypbwiggins

We say what we are feeling. I hear you saying, “No, I don’t say what I am feeling because that would stir up a whole lot of trouble.” I beg to disagree. Your mouth may not say it but your face, your eyes, the twist of your mouth, and even the way you sit or stand says so much more. Have you ever listened to someone say all the right words but you didn’t believe anything they said. Sometimes it is because of your attitude but most times it is because you got the message that their body was sending.

While Yshua (Jesus) was teaching about our words condemning or justifying us, he made this statement.

“Either make the tree good, and the fruit good; or make the tree bad, and its fruit bad; the tree will be know by its fruit”

Usually we focus on the fruit but today the tree sat up and screamed, I am what’s important. If the tree is unhealthy, anything it produces is not profitable to anyone. You and I are the trees. If our insides are sick, filled with mean, unforgiving thoughts; if the growth and depth of our roots have been hindered by grudges and anger then no matter how nice we try to say it, the fruit we produce will be lacking in nourishment for ourselves or anyone around us. The messages we send verbally or bodily are the fruit our trees produce. A bad tree can produce something that looks like good fruit but when you bite into it you realize it is not good. That is much like the right sounding words we say but underneath them or embedded in them is all the rottenness housed inside us.

Let us let go of the anger, grudges, meanness, unforgiving evil thoughts.

Let the plant food of the Spirit and Word of God not be hindered in reaching the roots of our mind.

Let the leaves of your tree be green and full of life.

Let the shade your tree provides signal rest, refreshing, and peace.

Let the fruit from your tree bring nourishment: encouragement, compassion, truth, fairness and real love.

Let it be known that you are a good tree with good fruit.

Just in case you think I am excluding myself from these admonitions, know that they hit me first. I had to face myself in the mirror of these words.

Have I Missed The Mark?

by ladypbwiggins

What does the word sinner mean? We in Christiandom use that word so much to refer to those who have not accepted Jesus as the Christ, the Anointed One, our Lord and Savior. But what does it really mean?

My question was prompted by Jesus’ comment to the religious leaders who criticized Him for eating with tax-gathers and other such disreputable people. (FYI the tax-gatherers were not liked because in doing their job they gathered more than what was required and kept the difference. They cheated the people.)

The comment is recorded in Matthew 9:12-13.

  Matthew 9:12-13 (YLT)
12  And Jesus having heard, said to them, `They who are whole have no need of a physician, but they who are ill;
13  but having gone, learn ye what is, Kindness I will, and not sacrifice, for I did not come to call righteous men, but sinners, to reformation.’

Matthew 9:12-13 (NKJV)
12  When Jesus heard that, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.
13  But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

So who is a sinner? I looked the word sinner up in the Strong’s Talking Greek & Hebrew Dictionary. The word simply meant sinner but the word it was derived from means to miss the mark or err.

I went back and looked at Jesus’ statement with this definition in mind. Jesus told the religious leaders that His interest and attention would be given to those who had missed the mark or erred.  Since they thought they were so righteous clearly they did not need His attention.  The irony is they had missed the mark. They had erred.

If they had understood that God required kindness above sacrifice, they never would have asked that question.

If they had understood God wanted those who had missed the mark or erred to have a course correction in their lives, they would have understood what their job really was.

They would also have understood that they fit into the “missed the mark” category.

How many of us who are professed followers of Christ have “missed the mark”? Yes, we are in the family but we still make erroneous decisions. We still mess up sometimes. We still miss the mark.  Have we, like those religious leaders, not realized that in all our religiocity we have not shown mercy and kindness to people?

We disassociate ourselves from those who need His love and mercy calling ourselves righteous when in fact we are called to associate for the purpose of sharing with others that forgiveness and reforming power we say we have experienced.

Have we missed the mark? Have we erred?

Something to think about.  Assess your life.

The Pharisee Syndrome

by ladypbwiggins

Who are the Pharisees? The particular group that I am referring to are the religious leaders of Israel during Jesus’ time. They were the gatekeepers of Israelite Law as prescribed by the Mosaic and Levitcal Law. By this time they had taken a serious responsibility and perverted it for selfish power plays. They talked a good game but their behavior did not match. There were those who mistreated the people and used the Law to justify their actions. Sound familiar? I am not taking on all the things involved but there is a sharp comparison to the current behavior of “us Christians.” It is what I call the Pharisee Syndrome.

Have you noticed how the world lumps all Christians together under the “Right Wing, Evangelical, Tea Party Banner”? I find it a major insult. Being a believer in the Bible and a disciple of Christ has become an ugly, dirty thing. I understand why the world would think that. I thought about their expectations and decided they should expect us to be under the same banner but not that one. The banner we should be grouped under is the truth of the Word. The practice and teachings of the Christ. I have not found anywhere in the Word where He selectively hated people while justifying His hatred with Himself (The Living Word of God).

  • His continued teaching was to love people. Love is not hate-filled. His teaching said be righteous.
  • Righteousness requires us to live up to the standards in which we believe. We were not commanded to judge the world. We were told to judge ourselves and leave the judgment of the world to God.
    • 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 (NKJV)
      9  I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people.
      10  Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.
      11  But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner–not even to eat with such a person.
      12  For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside?
      13  But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.” 
  • Just in case, I am not clear, the Apostle Paul is writing to believers in the city of Corinth and this is a more modern translation. It makes it very clear.
    • 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 (MSG)
      9  I wrote you in my earlier letter that you shouldn’t make yourselves at home among the sexually promiscuous.
      10  I didn’t mean that you should have nothing at all to do with outsiders of that sort. Or with crooks, whether blue- or white-collar. Or with spiritual phonies, for that matter. You’d have to leave the world entirely to do that!
      11  But I am saying that you shouldn’t act as if everything is just fine when one of your Christian companions is promiscuous or crooked, is flip with God or rude to friends, gets drunk or becomes greedy and predatory. You can’t just go along with this, treating it as acceptable behavior.
      12  I’m not responsible for what the outsiders do, but don’t we have some responsibility for those within our community of believers?
      13  God decides on the outsiders, but we need to decide when our brothers and sisters are out of line and, if necessary, clean house.

Those under that hateful banner are behaving just like the Pharisees. I am holy speaking but not holy behaving. When Jesus said if you lift me up, I will draw all men (mankind) to me, He wasn’t just talking about what we tell people but how we show people. If my God is a God of Righteous love and judgement then that is what they should see in my behavior.

  • People should see me trying to live up to my God’s standards daily.
  • I should conduct business by his standards even if the rest of the business world doesn’t.
  • I should respect those who have different lifestyles from me even if I disagree with them. He did!
  • I have no hell to send anyone to so I have no authority to condemn. The only people that I should expect to live up to what I believe are the ones who say they believe the same thing.
  • Agreeing with me should not be a pre-requisite for me showing you compassion, mercy and His love. I am not responsible for your opinion, just my commitment to Him.

If I, we, live what we say we believe the way He lived, doing what He did, the way He did it we would be respected even though we may be “hated and persecuted.” At least then it would be for “righteousness sake” and not because we were the initiators of the hatred.

Let’s not be like the scribes and the Pharisees. Let our righteousness exceed theirs.

Matthew 5:20 (ESV)
20  For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

We were commanded to Go, tell, baptize teach, and love. The rest is God’s job. Let’s let Him do it. We might find a great weight lifted when we stop trying to do God’s job. Stress reduced!

Side Note:

Just like all Christians are not right wing, tea party hate-filled people, not all Pharisees were like this. There were some who lived the Law the way God intended.