In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Re-springing Your Step.”
I read the prompt and wondered what has happened to me recently that would have me rejuvenated. I realized that the answer was a lot of little thins for temporary changes but nothing lasting. That revelation was very disheartening. How can I motivate others when I am fatigued? I can’t successfully because they can see something is not 100% with me.
I have had taken a day here and a day there to rest physically. It helped to some extent I am sure. I can go on. I awaken this morning feeling stressed out with the list of things I need to do NOW. The only solution I see is to make my list, prioritize and work the list.
Maybe then my step will get sprung. Physical rest is nothing without mental rest.
Spirit
Encouragement from the Scriptures necessary for spiritual wellness.
I Remember That Night
Yesterday, I felt the lonliness and foreboding reflected in hsteinhayer101’s post This Is Really Bad. The story was told so well that I felt I was there. The “not knowing what to do” and the danger of making the wrong choice touched me. Her situation was far more serious and intense but her words took me back to my front porch over 30 years ago. My world was dark and lonely. It should have been one of the happiest times of my life. I had a newborn son, a wonderful husband and a helpful daughter. Nevertheless, my world was dark and lonely. The one overshadowing thing about depression is feeling all alone. I didn’t realize it at the time but I was suffering from Postpartum Depression. I just knew I wanted to end my life because for some reason I thought my family would be better off without me.
hsteinhayer101’s decision was choosing the correct place to sit. My decision was which direction to run that would guarantee getting far away to kill myself or be killed. I lived near two very busy streets that had a lot of traffic. A woman walking down the street in a thin nightgown would draw attention. It sounds silly now but that night I would have appeared to be a runaway from a mental asylum and the police would have picked me up. My husband found me and held me. I didn’t even know how to accept that at first. I felt he had spoiled my plans. When you are depressed and in that deep. dark place all you see is how good ending it all would be.
So many of us suffer from mental dis-ease and don’t realize it. We don’t consider depression from job loss or grief from a death mental dis-ease but it is. It may not last long or be as intense as others that cause them to seek escape in drugs or the control from another person.
I thank my husband and my Lord for bringing me through that time. The shadows of depression still linger just on the outskirts of my consciousness but I recognize it. It will not conquer me.
For I Know The Plans I Have For You
Many of us who are Christians have heard and clung to the statement, “For I know the plans I have for you.” Jeremiah 29:11 We use it to explain why we should have hope and not give up when things go bad. It is a comfort during those times because it reminds us that God has our back and all of this is a part of His plan. I have found comfort from it while waiting for direction. But is that all it means? Is that the only lesson we can learn from it?
To answer these questions, I went back a few chapters to get the context. As I suspected, we have missed the full impact of this statement.
It all comes down to a promise, the conditions and consequences of not fulfilling the conditions. God promised Judah that He would not bring calamity on them if they turned back to Him. He desired them to keep His statues and commandments and serve Him only. If they chose to continue to disobey Him, He would gather the nations from the north to attack and King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon to enslave them for 70 years. It is recorded that the king, prophets and priests of Judah chose to continue to disobey God. God promised to destroy the king and those who did not go into captivity as He directed. Those who did go into captivity were promised time to return to God, to get to know Him and once again be His people and He their God. The captives were to build homes and grow their families as if they were home in their homeland. During this time they would learn of Him, they would seek Him call on Him and learn to serve Him with their whole being. Then they would be His people and He their God. At the end of the 70 years He would restore everything to them. This was His plan for His people.
For those of us who believe we the inheritors of Abraham’s and his descendants promises by faith we can learn much from Judah’s experience. If we keep the word of God that we say we believe, He will not bring calamity on us. If we choose to disobey Him count on being punished. Our captivity can be a variety of things, manifested in a variety of ways. We can become captive to habits, mental illness, anger, resentment, depression, poor finances or bad relationships. During this time, use it to get to know your God and return completely to Him. Know that He is keeping all of your “good stuff” safe and protected while you are learning. It will all be restored. This is His plan for you and me.
Was He Preparing Me?
Today, I watched a video about mental illness and mental wellness. As I watched my mind drifted back to my childhood and I got a powerful jolt. Was God preparing me for this new direction in my life even then? Let me explain.
The last few years I have been involved with the African American Family Wellness Group which is the black cultural competency component for the Department of Mental Health. My interest in joining the group was birthed in my dealing with the young men and women that participated in our after school program. These children had varying mental wellness issues. Some were diagnosed as ADHD; others had image problems that resulted in acting out. Still others were academically deficient but there was no learning disability present. They got behind in their grade level, behaved badly and ended up in special education where they continued to slide down that slope to dropout land. That just exacerbated the problem which were originally unnoticed, unattended, emotional problems stemming from family drama, bullying or some other trauma. I realized that the parents of these kids needed help so they could help their children.
I never had any intent to get involved in mental health. Like most people, when mental illness is mentioned I thought of the clinically insane, mentally challenged people that need medication, continuing therapy and observation and possibly institutionalizing. That was my experience.
When I was a young child, one of our neighbors gathered us neighborhood kids up to take us to entertain people in the minimum security section of the local mental hospital. We called her and the ladies with her, The Gray ladies, because they wore gray uniforms. I knew we made the people happy but I didn’t like it when they wanted to hug us and kiss on us. It was creepy. But we had to let them to a point. We were shown how to minimize their contact without hurting their feelings. Was this the first step in my training?
My next phase of training occurred at age 16. A government employment program designed for underprivileged kids (aka black kids) was the tool used. We were assigned to the Park and Recreation department of Bryce Mental Hospital. Yes, the very same hospital with the Gray Ladies. We assisted the psychologists and therapists with physical activities and games. That was a very educational summer. Our clients included the criminally insane, nymphomaniacs, manic depressives, schizophrenics, and a young lady of society placed there because she embarrassed her parents by getting pregnant.
My last phase at this hospital was while I was in college. I was employed as a file clerk. Phase Three. I worked directly with the Supervising doctor and his nurses. I had access to all their records. That is why I was amazed that I didn’t know the gentleman who cleaned my office was a paranoid schizophrenic with homicidal tendencies until my last day there. I knew he was ill but I never had a reason to fear him. That day he asked me if there was anything he could do for me, my office, before Monday. I told him I would not be back. It was my last day because I had to return to college. He lost it. I was trapped in my office. He never threaten me. My fear or panic was short lived. I felt sad that I had triggered him. He was whisked away to be medicated.
Was I being prepared for this next phase in my life? I have a passion for the mental wellness of Black male kids and their families. I want to interrupt the prison pipeline. I want to restore their esteem and understanding that they were created for greatness not prison slavery. I want to wake up my community to the power they possess to change these dynamics. I want to save their lives.
I am more awakened and ready for this journey. Let’s do this, God. Thanks for preparing me, even when I could not recognize your hand or your presence.
We Forgot!
I remember when I was a child this was the most inspiring, joyous time of the year. My grandmother shopped downtown listening to Christmas carols being piped through speakers on the city streets. The night air was crisp and clean. People who you didn’t know, greeting you with smiles and Merry Christmas on their lips. It may have been stressful to some but it sure didn’t feel like it. The list of things to be done seemed like a privilege and a joy. Giving wasn’t something you had to do. People who couldn’t afford to buy gifts made them. Those were usually the best ones. Sharing what you had was magnified.
But Now…
There seems to be more concern with how much I can get and how much did you pay for it. That put unnecessary stress who can’t spend a lot. We forgot the joy is in the giving, however little and the fact that someone thought of you. We forgot! We have taught our kids to be unappreciative. Then we get mad at them when they are.
The stress of this season breaks up relationships. We have come to value the things given over the giver. If your spouse or significant other doesn’t give you what you want at the price point you expect, there is NO Peace on Earth. We forgot.
- Let’s remember to treat each other the way we want to be treated; with love and respect.
- Let’s remember to value the person more than anything they give, even if all they can give is a smile and a hug.
- Let’s remember the joy many of us felt as children.
If you don’t have those kind of memories begin to make them now. Those of us who have them, share that love with them.
- Let’s remember “To do to others what we want done to us.”
I guess in this perverted world I should explain. I mean treat others with the love and respect you want to get. Don’t fight in the stores and don’t curse people out in the parking lots.
- Let’s remember to be kind and spread joy.
In the Midst of the Storm
I awaken yesterday morning from a very interesting dream. I was driving down from the mountains in my VW Bug. It was forecasted to snow that evening and I wanted to get home before it did. I left early enough according to the forecast but the snow came earlier and stronger than they predicted. Visibility diminished quickly. I tried to continue but I couldn’t see. Suddenly, I heard a voice say “Stop.” I thought, “In the middle of the road?Some other driver may hit me. ” Then I heard the voice say louder, “Stop!” So I stopped. I want you to know, there was no one human in the car with me or outside the car. After I came to a complete stop, the voice said,
“Leave your engine running, turn off your lights and turn your heat down to a comfortable but low temperature.”
I was bewildered, and somewhat anxious but I obeyed the voice. Then the voice said,
” Get out and pour salt around your tires and a few feet in front and behind the car and along side your door.
I obeyed. By this time I had decided this must be God because there was no other explanation. I sat in my car and covered up in my blanket. Yeah, where did a blanket come from? I, peacefully, fell asleep. I slept the rest of the night and was awaken by the noise of the snow plows that were clearing the highway. There was a tapping on my window. It was one of the drivers who said, he was able to distinguish the shape of the car because the snow did not completely cover me. What was he talking about. I got out and saw that my car should have been completely covered to look like the snow bank. It was the salt. Around my car, the snow melted immediately, and did not form one mound. Then I woke up.
This was very bizarre. My first thought.
First of all why would I have salt in the car? Another thing, I don’t own a VW Bug. The other odd thing is there were chains on the tires. I don’t live in the snow. Why would I have these things?
I lay in my bed thinking about it. This was a very vivid, detailed dream and that usually means God is trying to tell me something. But, What? Is an early storm coming? Am I in the midst of the storm now? Is it someone else’s storm since I don’t own those things? Don’t know.
I concluded, that regardless, I was instructed how to handle the storm. I was protected during the storm, I was delivered from the storm and I was not alone. My All Sufficient, Self-Existing, Omnipresent God was with me.
