Redefining

Hi Everyone.

For those who are former followers, I  am renewing my presence in this digital world. For those who are and will be new, welcome.

My randomness has not changed. The “black soil” has just been seasoned and is richer than before. I have gone through a deep loss. I have gone through the grief that accompanied that loss. I  discovered in that process that I was also grieving the loss of 45 year old identities. 

I hear you saying, “What?” For 45 years my identity was somebodies’ something which consumed the original. I was my husband’s wife, my children’s mother, and the Pastor’s wife. I am still my children’s mother but they don’t need me the same way. The question, “who am I now?” popped into my mind and I grieved that loss.

I am now ready to find Pat; To redefine and to live the rest of my days as my New authentic self. What does that look like? We will find out together.  My soil is getting richer.

The least

Gideon judges 6:14-15 7:9-11

I was sitting thinking about a sermon presented a few weeks ago. It was from the book of Judges about a guy named Gideon. Gideon was chosen by God to fight the enemy of His people. When Gideon was informed by the prophet, his response was, “My family is the least of families, and I am the least in my family.” There is much more to the story, but the thought of “the least” is what has captured my thoughts.

Have you ever thought of yourself as “the least?” Have you ever compared yourself to others? Did you decide you weren’t good enough based on that comparison? Well, listen to this. God loves choosing “the least” to do great things. David was the youngest son, a sherpard boy. Esther was a Hebrew girl in captivity who became Queen of Persia. Matthew was a tax collector hated by all, yet Jesus chose him. Mary Magneline was a prostitute but Jesus chose her. Peter was an uneducated fisherman. Jesus chose him, and he became a leader of the apostles. I am not great by man’s standards but He chose me. I could go on but I won’t. This is my point. God has a plan for you that will make you great for His purposes. It might not be on a grand scale. You might not even be recognized by those around you. But if you follow His plan, you will be great on His grand scale. Go in the strength you have and trust Him to give you what you need to do the job. You are not “the least” in His eyes.

Trust God to make you Great.

Not Again!

No matter how hard you try, we will not be erased. We will not be eradicated. We are like ants. We are resilient. We are industrious. Regardless of the industry, good or bad. We ARE industrious. The skills our ancestors possessed on the plantation they brought with them from Africa. Our ancestors had societal structures:government, commerce, agriculture, and construction. What was learned from slavery was how to avoid the whip. How to live with rape. How to swallow pride for the sake of survival. I won’t talk about methodology. We might need to use them again.

Mr. DeSantis and those of like mind, all the whitewash in the world will not hide the atrocities done to our ancestors. We will always BLEED through. The TRUTH will always come through. Your children will discover that you lied to them.

We, as a people, survived slavery. We survived Jim Crow. We will survive the “Jim Crow” you are trying to create. You say slavery taught us skills we needed. You are correct. You taught us how to survive people and attitudes like you. We can navigate the ploys you implement. Our ancestors passed those lessons down. We may have forgotten that we needed them, but we did not forget them.

So, I implore my people teach those lessons to our kids and grandkids. Teach them our history, good and bad. Teach them self-sufficiency. Fraternal organizations and churches increase your community activities that include teaching our people. Use the tools you’ve learned in business and law to strengthen us. We are strong because of our ancestors. We are stronger because of what we’ve personally experienced. We will become stronger still.

Let’s learn from those who HAD to teach our kids our history at home and through those aforementioned organizations. They did not depend on others to teach US about US.

Let’s Get Busy

Realize the HOPE

I posted this in 2022. It is even more relevant now. Please give it a read and your consideration.  Allow your better self to prevail.

We are into the second day of 2022. Tell me, what has changed since December 31, 2021. I know some of you will say nothing and in some ways you are correct but there is an element that January 2022 has that December 2021 lost. There was an expectation leading up to midnight January 1, 2022. There were comments made among people everywhere that expressed “better is coming”. It sounded like, “I will be glad when this year is over.” “I can’t wait until January 1.” “I can’t wait until midnight.” There was an expectation. There was hope. Yes, HOPE.

We all HOPE things will be better. However, it just won’t happen. We have to make things better. We have to do what is best for humanity not an institution, not a political party, not a corporation, not a government entity. We have to do what is right and best for mankind. If we once again realize that the things I do to make your life better will actually make my life better, maybe, just maybe we will make things better. For you Christians reading this I would like to remind you that Yeshua (Jesus) instructed us to love our neighbor as ourselves. He used the story of the Good Samaritan to show that everyone is our neighbor and being a good neighbor requires a willingness to do more than take care of ourselves or people ethnically like us or people of the same faith. If you missed it or don’t know the story it is the despised Samaritan who was the compassionate one, the good neighbor. The political and religious leader stepped over the person in need. Which are you?

The Christian behavior in this country,especially in the last few years, is so far from Yeshua’s teachings and examples that a new name should be applied to it. There is no Christ-likeness. Where is the love for those with whom you disagree? Where is the love for those who may not believe as you do?Where is the love for those whose lifestyle does not conform to what you believe is God’s law? Let’s be honest. Our present Christian behavior doesn’t either. We need to get back to the Judaic basics of our beliefs. If nothing else we Christians need to get back to the 10 Commandments. That was what Yeshua taught. and lived. That’s what Paul taught the non-Jewish believers without requiring them to convert to Orthodx Judaism and lived before them. We need to obey them instead of requiring other people that never said they were believers in the first place to obey them. I am sure the other faith belief systems have a comparable tenet. So treat people right even if you disagree with them. or they are not like you. We were not commissioned to be judges but examples.

Only then can we realize the HOPE. Only then will 2022 be better than 2021. I remember when I was a child the admonishment to “do unto others what you would have them do unto you” was a powerful guiding force for decision-making. I’d ask myself before I said something or did something, would you want that done to you? If the answer was No then I likely didn’t do it. Now I did have moments of anger where I ignored myself but typically, I listened. We should start asking ourselves would we want to be treated the way we are treating others. Change our society by caring for each other. Realize the HOPE.

It is now 2025. Unfortunately,  things have not changed much. In fact, in “christiandom” it has gotten worse. Yeshua is being  disgraced. There is very little love being shown to people. It is taking a great deal more effort to have HOPE.

Daya 6 & 7: The Battle is Won

Seven days ago I engaged in a battle with my Blood Pressure. I was determine to defeat this adversary with natural means. I had tried several different pharmaceuticals prescribed by my primary care provider and my cardiologist. My doctors’ felt the side affects to them were out weighed by the decrease in my pressure. However, I was the one feeling those side effects. All but one made me extremely ill. The one that was tolerable wasn’t as effective. I stopped taking them. I researched the vegetable and herb world to find answers to my situation. I found beets decreased the blood pressure quickly. I also found a herbal tea that reported decreasing blood pressure. On last Sunday I began. Three hours after drinking 8 oz of fresh non-pasteurized beet juice my pressure had dropped 20mmHg units. I was hopeful. You can read the details in the preceding posts.

My “beginning the day” blood pressure was always less than it had been the day before. The last two days I have had measurements in the 120/80 -ish range in the late afternoon. This morning, I drank 12oz of a combination juice of beet, celery, carrot and apple. At about 5pm I took my pressure and it was 122/71. This will be my daily prescription for my blood pressure along with potassium and magnesium tablets and a decrease in salt intake. I will continue to try to reduce my stress and increase my exercise. This is my self-care plan. I am making an appointment with the cardiologist. I expect that will be a positive visit, except for the stress test I have to take. 🙂 I am not a doctor or a medical expert. I can only share my experience. If this appeals to you, discuss it with your doctor and give it a try.

I am continuing the war of taking care of my body on all levels. I still have difficulty prioritizing myself but I am getting better. My next battle is returning to the weight and dietary practice pre-quarantine. I liked how I felt and I like how I looked. Seventy is my new 40. I am going to get there. It took 18 months to get here, so I know it will not happen over night. First order is to get back into the habit of making my raw food that needs to be dehydrated in a timely manner.

Next experiment is making veggie burger patties with the pulp from the beets and celery. Hope they taste as good as the juice.

Day 4: Self Care: Not So Easy

Self Care. That’s what I was told I needed to do. But just like a doctor telling a patient to eat right without an eating plan or what eating right looks like, telling me I needed to self care without offering a plan or what it should look like. I know the admonishments were for my good and they meant well but sometimes you just can’t get a handle on what you are suppose to do to correct your situation. My eldest gave me a massage treatment gift and it was wonderful. If my budget allows I may make it a monthly or bi-monthly thing. That alone is just a bandaid. To alleviate the source of my issues more must be done. I am returning to our raw eating plan, at least 90%. I made scheduling my day to get at least 6 hours of restful sleep. I am taking breaks after each major activity. I am EXERCISING. All of these are necessary for my self care. Yet, I haven’t figured out how to relieve the stress. It’s as if the release valve on my pressure cooker is stuck and releases the pressure too slow. The main source of my stress is not going away so I have to find a way to unstick the valve.

I am told self care means making yourself a priority. I get that but how do you accomplish that when something else has a higher priority , time wise, over the course of the day and you are exhausted at the end of the day. There is little energy left for self care. I am trying to create a plan that takes care of my responsibilities and place myself high on the list as well. It is not as easy as it sounds. I trust God to guide me.

After I finished the with the tags, the two thought came to me, that self care was doing what makes you feel good in addition to all the above stated healthy things. The other was self care stems from self love.What makes me feel good? What gives me the most joy? What could I do all day and enjoy even after I get tired? Thanks Lord. How do I weave it into my day? I have always struggled with loving myself. Or at least showing love to myself in a tangible way. This is the war I have to win. It is time. The struggle has gone on too long. Silence the negative voices in my head and replace them with the few positive thing said. Most of all replace them with the two most powerful voices in my life. Mine and the Lord’s. He said a lot of positive things about me. I am the negative one. I have to come to agreement with God. I embrace me. I have said this before but now is the time I need to stick with it until it manifest and the voices are silenced. This is the best care I can give to myself. Everything else will fall in line. Thanks Chef Babette for the inspiration.

Refined and Polished

Yesterday I celebrated my 70th birthday. Today is the beginning of my 71st year of life. Leading up to this time I had determined that it was time to re-invent myself. I planned to address my insecurities that are responsible for me living an impactless life. My plans have changed some what. Yesterday as part of my birthday celebration my baby daughter orchestrated a video presentation. She invited my family and people she knows have known me for a long time to express how I had impacted their life and to share a memory. I sat there listening to those who shared and thought I didn’t know they felt like that. I was just being me. Some cited incidents that they felt showed my strength. I felt they just seemed to me in trouble and caused people to dislike me. i really thought I was just tolerated because I was attached to Carl. I thought who are they talking about. They believe that I am strong. One even said I was fierce. I had been shot down and stomped on so often that I felt like there really was no reason that I should be using up the space and air others could have benefited from. To some extent this attitude caused me to deny myself of things I wanted or the quality of things I did get.

My friends and family have a different opinion of me. For that I am grateful and thankful. I awoke this morning realizing I like their view, their perspective. I have purposed to see myself through their eyes, I have decided not to re-invent myself. Apparently the core of who they see is who I wanted to be. Therefore I will leave the essence of who I am unchanged. I an asking for Yaweh’s help to refine that which needs refining and polish that which needs to shine brighter.

I am renewing my thinking about myself . I purpose to give myself the same grace and compassion that I give others. I give my best to others and now I purpose to give it to myself. I am moving myself up on my list . Oh, don’t worry. I am not going to become haughty and self-centered. I’m just going to treat myself better. I know this is not going to be something that happens overnite but I am beginning.

This post is my first step. Now you all know and those near and dear will hold me accountable, Second step is to become more consistent with my Bible study. Thirdly, I will wear more of what I like. People have seen glimpses of my style but not on a consistent level or the quality that I really like. I spent the money on my kids and my husband. They were in the public eye more than I. Really, who neede to dress up to clean bathrooms. 😀 The kids are grown and hubby is no longer Pastor Carl and community activist. I am making it my turn now. Not making do any more. I’ve wanted to sew, so sew I will. Before the pandemic I had lost weight and was wearing clothes that I loved. I had replaced the fat clothes. Over this last year of isolation, I have regained the weight. Food was my only physical comfort. I will eliminate the vegan fast food and return to the healthier versions. I will lose the weight again but I will dress the fat body well in the mean time. Not waiting.

Let the refining and polishing begin. 70 is the new 40.

The Universe….?

When people say the Universe will do it or The Universe caused it or any other action ascribed to the Universe, who or what are they talking about? I checked the definition of the Universe. What I found was what I understood it to be.

The universe (Latin: universus) is all of space and time and their contents, including planets, stars, galaxies, and all other forms of matter and energy. … At the largest scale, galaxies are distributed uniformly and the same in all directions, meaning that the universe has neither an edge nor a center.

So are the people who attribute these supernatural actions to the Universe saying the planets, stars or galaxies are performing these acts? Do inanimate objects have the capacity to think, plan and act? Or are the planets etc animate? Can they create life?Do the planets have this power? Have space and time and all its contents given us the capacity to think, love or feel? I just dont understand. Can someone help me understand?

As I looked at the different definition sources I saw that someone asked the question “Who created the Universe?” The answer that was given was one word, God. I have observed many of those giving the aforementioned attributions to the Universe do not believe in God or they believe there is a Supreme creator but not any God of any known religion. For those who don’t believe in God, they have given God-like abilities or attributes to the Universe. Is the Universe God to them? I’m confused. It seems some God-like something that is beyond or outside of themselves is needed. Something that satisfies an innate spiritual hole. It seems the creation is acknowledged or accepted but the creator (God) is denied. In my logical mind this is totally illogical. Will someone help me please?

I know someone is asking how do you know there is a God. Who created Him and how do you know He is a He? My answer is how do you know the Universe did it, or said it or gave it? Whether it is Jehovah, Yeshua, Allah or any other named diety, there is some belief system that can be held on to and reasoned. Like many liberal arts college students, I analyzed these belief systems. I asked questions and looked at the documents that described or explained their foundation. I almost converted to Judaism. I liked that their beliefs were lived daily and not just on Sunday or special days. It was a lifestyle. Eventually I remainded with my Judeo-Christian belief system. I realized I could have what I loved in Judaism with the less legalistic stance of 1st Century Christianity. I won’t go into the reasons but I am happy with my decision. It is now my lifetyle. FYI this is not the Western European version of Christianity that we see today.

Back to the Universe. I am seriously asking for understanding not a fight.

Contagious

44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, Matthew 5:44 NKJV https://bible.com/bible/114/mat.5.44.NKJV

I have come to realize this is what I have been learning for the last 5 years. Inspite of their behavior, I must act like Yeshua. There are people who have told me that I am not a Christian or a real American because I don’t support Trump. I have been called names, basically cursed bcause I am not a Republican. They don’t know if I am a Democrat, Independent or Undeclared but because of how I look they have decided. How do I bless them?

This is one of the hardest things I have had to learn. Just like most other people I don’t partiularly want to show love much less acually love those who hurt me or threathen me. How do I love KKK members knowing what their stance is toward people who look like me? How do I love people who are determined to destroy me psychologically and emotionally? How do I love policemen who are inclined to kill my son and daughter just becasue of their skin color? Then there are my grandsons. Some are old enough to be targets just because they walked out of their house. One is a former marine. He was willing to give his life for a group of people who have decided he is a criminal just because of his skin color. This is one of my realities. Then there are those I have trusted. They said they loved me and as long as I agreed with them or did what they wanted they acted like it. But as soon as I stepped out of my place as they defined it, I was no longer loveable. I was the enemy. I want to follow Yeshua’s teachings to love my enemies but it is so hard.

I thought I had forgiven and gotten over the hurt from the ones I trusted but looking at myself through the lens of loving my enemies, it seems I haven’t. I don’t hate them but I discovered resentment and hurt are still present to some degree. How can I truly love them if those feelings are present. I believe pure love would not be resentful and would have forgiven. Remembrance would not have hurt attached. How can I love those who admit that they hate me when I can’t completely love those who have committd comparably lesser offenses? Lastly, how do I pray for those who spitefully use me?

I have a ways to go. This growing in the image of God is a neverending, involved process. I know I haven’t grown to say Father forgive them as they nail railroad spikes in my hands but maybe I can love them through hateful words and degrading actions. I am trying.

How are you handling this commandment?

Can you pray for them?

Can you do good to them?

Can you forgive them?

Can you LOVE them?

A Quiet Love Celebration

I was reminded today of the depth of love I have for my husband. Sometimes fatigue and a feeling of helplessness makes you impatient. Consistent rest is not something I get often. But this last week has been especially tiring. The last two nights 4 hours combined. But it was Christmas. This morning the emergency room became my Christmas celebration venue. Once I was there I forgot how tired I was. My husband’s care became my focus. Sitting in his emergency room watching him fluctuate between sleep and sharp pain, pierced my heart. Love overwhelmed me. He said this is the best party. You are together.

Love conquers all.

We usually think of wrongdoing but this time it conquered fatigue. I was ready for battle with the medical system which is sometime unreasonable. I was ready but it was not necessary. I guess that was my Christmas present.

Love was present. Love allowed me to be blessed and to be a blessing to some of the staff. Most of all, love sustained me. Love used the arms of my children and church family to hold me.

Now I am resting in love’s arms completely at peace. I miss my husband though not worried.

Thank you love for your birth, your life, your resurrection.

I had a very blessed Christmas Celebration.