Wellness

Wellness speaks to a healthy person in mind, body, and spirit.

The Next Phase To Complete Healing

by ladypbwiggins

This post was written earlier but it an integral part of the journey, so rather than update it timewise, I decided to post it as is. I will follow with an update to some things mentioned.

It has been a very educationally journey that I and my family have been on since my husband’s heart attack in March. He finally came home from rehabilitation on Friday. He has improved so much but we still have a ways to go to reach complete restoration. Several things have come to my attention that will be included in this next phase. I discovered Dr. Steven Masley’ 30-day Heart Tune-Up. This is an eating plan which focuses on heart strengthening. I have also discovered or at least it has been confirmed that we should really pay attention to the drugs that are being prescribed for us and our loved ones.

The Tune Up

We began the 30 day journey on Saturday August 1. I had to make some adjustments because we do not eat chicken, beef or pork. Today the Chicken Stir Fry was made with tofu. The dish was quite tasty.  Just in these two days I feel better. I have also noticed the pain from my husband’s neuropathy has decreased. I will be watching that because I was told neuropathy cannot be cured and that nerve regeneration was not possible. This side effect to the eating plan is welcomed but the jury is still out on the lasting effectiveness.

Drug Fight

I will be making appointments to visit Carl’s doctors on Monday. Our discussions will center around the drug Amioderone and Warfarin initially. Amioderone has some very serious side affects that are counterproductive to his healing. Waffarin is rat poison. Need I say more?

Stay tuned

If I Had Known …

by ladypbwiggins

Donald Lawrence said there was a King (Queen) in me.

I wish I had known.

I went to church every Sunday as a child.

I attended Sunday School.

I was a faithful youth usher, choir member

And everything else youth were involved in.

I had no choice.

Daddy made sure of that.

I celebrated your birth

I learned that you gave your life for me.

You loved me that much.

I learned that you’re powerful

After all, you rose from the dead.

I learned you were righteous and

Required my best behavior.

And I tried.

I learned how important you should be to me

BUT if I had known

Just how much you cared

About everyday, mundane things in my life.

I would have consulted you about my college and career choices,

who I dated, where I lived.

Heck, How I felt during those confusing teenage years.

Maybe my self perception would have been better.

What other’s thought would have had less influence.

Maybe I would have realized dark chocolate was beautiful.

I mattered to you during that painful transition from childhood to adulthood.

If I had known what your loving me really meant,

Maybe, just maybe I would have made better decisions.

Maybe, just maybe I would have lived like who YOU positioned me to be.

Maybe, just maybe I would have known there was a QUEEN in me.

Dark Chocolate!

by ladypbwiggins

Dark Chocolate,

Nappy Hair,

They pay big bucks to get what YOU got.

Yet you are made fun of even by your own

and Denied access to the best.

Why do we accept the “Paper bag” test?

Why do you have to prove yourself worthy more than the rest?

It is interesting that

The dark piece anchors the quilt design

The dark one draws the eye in a picture or a chorus line.

The rarest of gems are black or darkest in hue.

Consider the black diamond, black opal, chocolate diamond,

the deepest ruby and sapphire.

Oh, how precious and rare, just like you.

Even in food

The darker the color the richer and more beneficial

You know that green, red, yellow veggie or fruit.

Could it be that you are so maligned because

You are Intensely Richer.

You are More Beneficial.

You are Visually Overwhelming,

 Powerfully Stunning,

You are Stronger

You are More Precious, Priceless?

It is recorded that Dark Chocolate is good for anti-aging.

Could that be why black don’t crack?

DARK CHOCOLATE, NAPPY HAIR

You got it going on!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

My Defiant Brain!

by ladypbwiggins

I haven’t posted in days because I have been overwhelmed with life again.I don’t know what is worse; Getting behind and playing catch up or trying to stay current. Needless to say I am in the catch up situation on all fronts. In the last few months I could only focus on my husband, his needs and the lessons learned in this process.

I have had so many thoughts that I wanted to share lately that my brain scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! when I tried to sort them out. I feel a short circuit do to circuit overload coming on.I hope a night or two of sleep will allow me to begin this mental sorting. In the mean time, I will just sort paperwork that needs to be done and filed.

AWWWWW! that’s painful too. Do you feel me?

It Would Be So Easy

by ladypbwiggins

It would be so easy to hate the shooter in the Charleston Church.

Nine dead for no obvious reason but hatred.

It would be so easy to hate the system and environment that bred that hatred.

It would  be so easy to travel back in time to slavery in the Carolinas and

Hate all slave owners, slave brokers and the good people who said nothing.

It would be so easy to blame his parents and

Hate them.

It would be so easy!

But rather I choose to do the HARD thing.

I choose to pray for the hearts and minds of the victims’ families

That they forgive the shooter in the midst of their grief.

I choose to pray for change in the shooter’s mind.

Living life abundantly, securely not fearfully for others.

I choose to forgive the system that bred this hatred.

I choose to understand that they are not living free

But bound in the prison of hatred and they don’t know it.

I choose the HARD thing.

Otherwise, I will become bound in the chains of hate;

My words will shoot the bullets of anger and hatred.

I will become him.

I choose the Hard thing.

27  “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28  bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 

Luke 6:27-28 (ESV) 

Surprise Discovery!

by ladypbwiggins

After weeks of living in jeans, sweaters and T-shirts, I decided to wear a dress. It is hot and I wanted to be presentable and cool. I went into my closet and pulled out a sleeveless, floral dress that did not cling to the hips. That is how it is designed. This will work I thought, cute and comfortable. I chose comfortable ankle strapped sandals, heels of course, to wear with it. I even thought about a little makeup for a change. Happy with my choices I began to get dressed. And then it happened. I made an unexpected discovery.

My dress doesn’t fit. It is too, too big!

“Moment” Lessons

by ladypbwiggins

It has been almost two months since my husband’s heart attack. There have been so many life changing moments since that night. Each moment was a lesson in seeing through the lens of “Cause God Said So!”

One Specific Lesson Moment

I thought the hardest part was during the attacks. Little did I know the hardest times would be dealing with medical professionals. What made that so hard you might ask?

Attitude!

Yes, attitude; mine and theirs.

I have met some really great professionals during this journey and I am very grateful to them. But…

I have met some really arrogant “professionals.” Some doctors think their degree and training elevated them to a position higher than God. They believe they are infallible. They do not treat people but diseases. The most arrogant and collectively obnoxious was a skilled neurological team that did not see my husband the man but a specimen that needed to be commanded into some pre-defined category. They didn’t even regard the observations of the nurses on the team who were the front line for gathering intel. It never occurred to them that the person they were commanding was really manipulating them. Had they considered the man and the comments of the nurses, they would have known there was more to know.

These doctors decided that my husband’s mental condition was frail and we should accept that he is just barely above “vegetative” status. They said this in his presence. Now I must tell you that their job was to determine if he was mentally capable of understanding instructions to take care of a defibrillator implant. It turns out, he did not want the surgery. (He had a tracheotomy so he couldn’t verbally tell us) He decided to behave in a manner consistent with their findings when they came in to evaluate him. It became a very entertaining time for us and the nursing staff. We watched my husband transition from a very engaging, communicative, responsive man to a near zombie when they walked into the room. When they left, he returned to that communicative, responsive man. Now tell me, who was commanding whom?

My lesson was more about me than them. I wanted to tell them how arrogant they were. I wanted to remind them that they did not know everything and they should learn to listen to others. I wanted to remind them that they were just practicing and God was holding the deity spot for himself. That was what I wanted. God’s Spirit kept me quiet and showed me my unbecoming attitude. There was a better way to handle this. It came in the form of a survey.

More importantly, my attitude changed. I realized I could not change them in a state of anger. I realized I could not change them at all. That is God’s job. My job was to advocate for my husband with respect, God’s wisdom, firmness and love. It has been hard. I haven’t always succeeded but I am getting there.

I have so many more “moment” lessons to share but this one seems ongoing. I am sure it will pop up again. It is all about the attitude.

Because God Said So!

by ladypbwiggins

On March 26, 2015, my husband had a heart attack. While the paramedics worked to revive him, I prayed.

Lord, if it is his time, I don’t want him to suffer. If it is not, please heal him completely.

At that moment, he was revived and breathing on his own. God said it wasn’t his time. The scripture God gave me was Psalm 91.

It basically says, the one who sits down in the hiding place of the most High God shall stop and remain in the shade of protection that He provides. David, the writer, lists benefits of being in the shade of the Almighty. Conditions and the outcome of fulfilling those conditions are given. This is the part I felt was speaking of Carl.

Because he (Carl) has set his love on Me (God), I will deliver and protect Him.

When he calls me I will answer.

When he is in trouble I will rescue him and honor him

With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation (deliverance, victory and prosperity)

I was and am determined to believe if God allowed David to experience that, he was telling me that Carl would also. You may think I am crazy but I believe God. He Said So!

As the days went by I held on to that belief and accepted every small progress toward healing as confirmation and then he acquired pneumonia. I wasn’t shaken, it was just a delay. It turned out to be a long, intensely trying, delay.

On April 16 there was another cardiac attack. I watched as the team in ICU worked on him. I couldn’t believe all those people and machines got in that already filled room. The quickness and precision with which they moved was mind-blowing. It was a very organized, efficient, chaos. After he was revived, I sat wondering if I heard God wrong because this was not looking so good. Somewhere in there I realized Psalm 91 applied to me also. I asked God to clear up my confusion. The next day, Carl had another attack. I watched the team go into action. Suddenly the Code Blue light and alarm went off. One of the nurses said they were not needed. He had revived himself. They were amazed because they knew his heart was too weak to do that.

Many of you would say he was lucky. I say God answered my prayer. He showed me that he was doing a healing work in Carl and to trust him. To confirm this, one of my church sisters came to visit that Saturday and she read a scripture that she felt strongly was given to her regarding Carl. It was Psalm 41. Again a condition and a promise.

Psalm 41:1-3 (NKJV)
1  Blessed is he who considers the poor; The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.
2  The LORD will preserve him and keep him alive, And he will be blessed on the earth; You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies.
3  The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed

Carl slept. I fought a different kind of battle while he slept. I talked about it in The Battle post. I will just say here that it was hard and hard fought. However, I learned a lot. A day or so passed and I prayed another prayer. This time it was Lord, how long should I let him stay on these machines. He doesn’t want to live like this. Is he still with us and will he have a good quality of life after it is all over? All these things I cried out to God about because he promised to answer me. When I got to the hospital, Carl was sitting up, eyes wide open and smiling at the nurse. God answered.

So here we are, almost a month later, with him still on the ventilator but there is no arterial blockage. The doctors’ plan of attack is to make his heart strong enough to get a defibrilator implanted. My plan is to watch God restore his heart completely to newness. That was what I asked for in the first place, complete healing. I had another lesson to learn during all of this. It is not enough to see God work and believe while looking at your circumstance. Walking by faith in its purest state is not seeing the circumstance but seeing beyond it. Seeing only what God said regardless of what everything looks like around you. God defies our reasoning.

Has Carl been healed? Not according to the doctors. BUT… I see a perfectly pumping heart in the chest of the man I love and it is simply because

God said so!

I Was Wrong!

by ladypbwiggins

About midnight I posted The Battle. I talked a little about the struggle I was having between my Faith and my Sight.This morning about 3:15 I realized I was not doing my assignment correctly. I was all wrong. What do you mean, Pat? Are you saying God can’t heal your husband? Are you saying that you don’t believe anymore? Are you saying it is too hard to have faith in this circumstance. Absolutely not! I was doing my homework from the wrong perspective.

At 3:15 am, I realized I was still focusing on what I saw. What I saw dictated my prayer, my attitude, my fatigue. I wondered why I no longer had peace like I did in the beginning of this journey. I couldn’t give up; Too stubborn for that and too many people watching my behavior and my words. I was tormented by thoughts of final plans and insurance policies. Would Deborah get here in time? How did this line up with “I am trusting God to heal him?” It didn’t. I really want to see through the eyes of faith. I wanted and still want God to reverse the situation because only He can do it. I want Him to be glorified. believers strengthened and people drawn.  I thought I was really standing on His word. I was doing some kind of hybrid. I saw, I believed what I saw was reality and then I tried to have the faith that God could change it if He wanted to.

I realized I was just like Job and the lesson I was to learn was his lesson. God wanted me to know who He is. My attention should have been on the abilities of God. It should have been on the character and power of God. What I saw did not matter.

Job 42:1-6 (God’s Word translation)
1  Then Job answered the LORD,
2  “I know that you can do everything and that your plans are unstoppable.
3  “{You said,} ‘Who is this that belittles my advice without having any knowledge {about it}?’ Yes, I have stated things I didn’t understand, things too mysterious for me to know.
4  “{You said,} ‘Listen now, and I will speak. I will ask you, and you will teach me.’
5  I had heard about you with my own ears, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.
6  That is why I take back what I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show that I am sorry.”

Job 42:1-6 (New KJV)
1  Then Job answered the LORD and said:
2  “I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
3  You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
4  Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
5  “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You.
6  Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes.”

I submit myself, my  mind and sight to you Lord. Help me see You and Your plan. 

After That First Moment

by ladypbwiggins

I sat in the hospital admissions office filling out paper.

“Of course I want you to treat him.

” Of course I want you to do whatever is necessary.

Why would I say no? My mind wondering who thinks up these questions to ask people in an emergency.   My reasonable, logical mind knows the answer. The hospital must ask for liability reason but in that moment I thought it was asinine.

I wanted answers to my questions and I wanted them now!

“Where is my husband and what are they doing?”

“‘Why want they come and get me?”

I waited almost two hours and I still don’t know why. Finally the admissions clerk got tired of waiting and went to check. The emergency room team had stabilized him but didn’t remember to come and get me. I managed to stay calm during the two hours of not knowing. Oh how I wanted so badly to have him transferred from that hospital to my home hospital. It didn’t happened. God what are you teaching me?

He was admitted and moved to ICU. I waited almost 24 hours before I saw a doctor. Supposedly he communicated with the staff but not me. I was calm but felt the rage rising. When he came I felt the ice cold chill emanating from me. I can only guess what he felt. (I must say the nursing staff was really nice and tried to be as helpful as possible.) The only good thing he accomplished as far as I was concerned was getting my husband transferred to Kaiser Permanente-Fontana.

I decided in that moment that I would not wait for doctors for my answers. I would assert myself into their rounds discussions and ask my questions. I would listen to orders verbally given to the nurses. I would ask the nurses what they were doing and why they were doing it. God gave me favor with the doctors, nurses and therapists. He gave me the correct way to approach them. Amazingly, it was with the gentleness of a lamb and the shrewdness of the serpent. Only His Spirit could do that. I watched myself operate in His humility and kindness. It feels good and it is powerful. I hope I never lose this. I better understand

“The meek shall inherit the earth.”