I am a girl. I am a female. I am 100% woman. Societal stereotypes say there are certain things you are safe buying or doing for me because am a woman. What color is do people buy baby girls? Pink. Why can’t she have blue? What color are clothes bought for little girls? Pink. Why not green? As the little girl grows she may tell you what she likes but if she isn’t asked it will be assumed it’s pink. It doesn’t change much when she grows up. When a man doesn’t know his woman’s favorite color, pink is assumed to be safe. This is simply because she is female. Now layer my ethnic culture on that. Just because I am Black there are certain things that I absolutely prefer according to the stereotypes. Women don’t all like the same thing and no one thing clearly describe us. If that were so, the clothing, jewelry, cosmetic, hair and shoe industries would not exist. Understanding what I am about to say is crucial for some relationships. It is believed women are difficult to understand. We are not. There is a very simple method to understand us. Obseve and Ask.

So to those who have not understood, I will use me as an example. I don’t prefer pink or diamonds. I don’t like pastels. I am a bold color concentrated person. But I don’t prefer the bold winter colors. I prefer the fall colors found in nature. The stereotype would have me in ruffles. You know, frilly, girly stuff. I like clean lines and texture. When I drank liquor, I was a scotch, dry martini person. My sweetest drink was a margarita. My husband knew all these things before we were married. In the course of us developing a friendship he observed, asked and listened. When it became important to know he did. He could even choose clothes and jewelry for me with a high degree of certainty that I would like them.

I guess you’re asking “why is she telling us all this?” For those who didn’t get the memo, we are not all the same. Allow us to be collectively individual. We have individual taste. Yes there may be similarities but we have some differences. Give us room and stop trying to put us in your box. If you’re not sure what your woman likes, ASK! Then listen.There will be fewer misunderstandings. That has worked for my husband for 44 years. Oh and just so you know, if you are in a relationship or trying to develop one, don’t assume this woman likes something just because the last one did. Observe and ASK! Listen! Don’t ask the day before her birthday or your anniversary. Pay attention when your just having conversation and get those questions in there if she’s important to you. She will appreciate your wanting to know.

Remember Observe and Ask. Listen. Don’t Assume.