spiritual

Since October

by ladypbwiggins

Many of you followed my postings last year regarding our journey through my husband’s life scare. I don’t know if I thanked you, so Thank you for your support. I have learned that 2015 was a horrific year for a great many people. I pray that it was a time of spiritual growth for you as it was for us.

To recap

  1. Massive heart attack on March 27, 2015
  2. Stopped breathing and needed electrical shock 3 times before conversion
  3. Months of hospitalization and rehabilitation care centers followed.

During those rehabilitation stays he struggled to regain the use of his legs. So what has happened since the first rehab stay.

  1. He was taken off Mexilitine.He was given that drug to counteract the worst, Amiodarone. Amiodarone was not his friend. It caused severe blood pressure drops and may have been the cause of some of the tachycardia events, however, I can’t prove it. It took awhile but it was finally replaced with a less toxic drug o September 28.  I had to fight but was successful.
  2. We changed cardiologist and that was a great blessing.
  3. He decided to stop taking Atorvastatin and the Qvar. He decided to control his cholesterol with his diet and he said he could breath fine without that inhaler.
  4. Oh, he lost almost 100 lbs over the 10 month period.

Since October

  1. After his last Ventricular tachycardia episode on September 27, a pacemaker/defibrillator was implanted on October 1.
  2. He came home on October 6th using a wheelchair. He had a few attempts with a walker. He has gone from wheelchair to walker to cane. He still needs the walker for long distances but for someone who was not believed to live and then not ever to walk this is awesome.
  3. His memory is improving but his meds are creating some interference. He is overcoming.
  4. We have learned so much about our power and authority when dealing with the medical community. We are empowered and plan to share that knowledge.
  5. We have learned how to eat even better with targeted focus for health reasons, heart and brain.

God planned and provided the best foods for our health,

the slave master changed our diet to the worst because it wasn’t what we ate n Africa,

and now we choose to continue to eat what sickens and is designed to kill us.

Please let’s help each other leave the plantation.

We can make soul food healthy.

Thank you for praying for us and supporting us. We thank you for your continued prayers and support.

In His Love

 

I Understand

by ladypbwiggins

I Understand why you don’t believe Jesus is the Anointed One.

You learned Jesus was not His birth name

He was Hebrew, after all.

And the letter “J” did not exist when he was born in Hebrew, Latin or Greek.

I Understand your questions.

How did they decide which scrolls were to be included in the Bible?

Should I ignore the scrolls that were included because I learned some were not?

Does the absence of some negate the truth of those included?

Or should I discover them and read for myself?

Can I reasonably expect every ancient scroll to be included in one book that I can carry?

I Understand your reasons but I can’t deny based on these truths.

Y’shua of Nazareth  declared in the synagogue His purpose.

Luke 4:18 (AMP)
18  The Spirit of the Lord [is] upon Me, because He has anointed Me [the Anointed One, the Messiah] to preach the good news (the Gospel) to the poor; He has sent Me to announce release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to send forth as delivered those who are oppressed [who are downtrodden, bruised, crushed, and broken down by calamity],

How can I deny such a beneficial mission?

He loved and forgave us and taught us to do the same to each other?

Why would anyone reject love and forgiveness?

Could it be because we want to receive it

But we are too proud and selfish or maybe fearful to give it?

I Understand.

Those who call themselves Christian but behave hatefully in the name of righteous indignation is your biggest hindrance.

They claim to be Christ-like but live it selectively; when you agree with them.

If we are to do the Lord’s work and be like Him, then we should live His mission for all.

(Note; The only ones who received His anger were the self righteous.)

I Understand if your Religion won’t allow you to.

To the Nonbeliever consider His teachings of peace and goodwill;

His example of love and forgiveness.

To Declared Believers: live His teachings and live his examples;

Not your religions’.

But if you can’t or won’t

I Understand.

 

To begin your own search try these links as a starting point.

http://www.gotquestions.org/canon-of-Scripture.html

http://www.christianity.com/church/church-history/centuries/1st-century-11631960.html

 

 

 

Mary, I Didn’t Think

by ladypbwiggins

A lot of attention is paid to the Holy family this time of the year, Mary, Joseph and Y’shua. But today my thoughts about Mary were challenged. Dr. Charles Stanley asked his congregation if they had ever thought about what Mary gave up when she yielded to the Holy Spirit? If any of them were like me, they just assumed and took for granted her situation. I mean looking back through our holy, spiritual looking glass, she was highly favored and blessed among women. Right?

Did you ever think about her losing her reputation?

or the disappointed looks from her parents?

Did you consider the threat to her life? Joseph had the right to have her stoned to death for violating their betrothal vows.

Did you consider the gossip in the village; the whispers? She was an unwed mother or she had sex with Joseph before the wedding.

Even though every Hebrew virgin wanted to be chosen to be the mother of the Messiah, when it happened, no one believed her. Sounds like us.

Then I went to church and Pastor Mitchell laid before us the benefits to us of Mary having said, Yes!

We received the opportunity for forgiveness, unconditional love, eternal salvation and the biggy

Salvation from our destructive habits and destructive decisions.

Her saying, Yes, provided Me the opportunity to be saved from Myself.

I don’t believe I should pray to her but I have increased awareness of what she endured.  She is a very good example of extreme submission to God.

Thank you, Mary for your submission, obedience and endurance.

 

Five Months Ago Tonight

by ladypbwiggins

Five  months ago tonight, March 27, my husband flat-lined.

Five months ago tonight I faced the loss of my best friend and love.

Five months ago tonight I prayed if it is his time take him or heal him. I don’t want him to suffer.

Five months ago tonight I spent the night in emergency.

Five months ago tonight I began a painful, terrifying, horrific, rewarding journey.

Five months ago tonight I began to learn to trust what God said rather than what I saw.

Five months ago tonight I believe God answered my prayer by breathing life into Carl.

The scripture that came to me was Psalm 91 and therein I believed lay my promise.

Psalm 91:14-16 (ESV)
14  “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15  When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.
16  With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Here we are five months later and he is back in the hospital but things are so very different.

God is still fulfilling that promise in very interesting ways.

God is Masterfully orchestrating our lives.

Scared!

by ladypbwiggins

Sometimes you just need to refocus. Being really scared can cause you to do that.

Carl awakened in pain from the neuropathy in his legs. Then I realized he was perspiring like a running water faucet and cold to the touch at the same time. This is usually an indication that his blood pressure has dropped too low. I put pillows under his legs to raise them. He asked for a wet wash cloth to wipe his face and neck. That was good. He was conscious and communicating. He wanted to be on his side, then his stomach and then his back all in a matter of minutes. Then he told me he was dizzy and nauseous and thought he might vomit. I went to get a container for that and he began to dry heave. I was SCARED. I asked him if I should call 911. He said he didn’t know and then I got a feeling that I should wait. I called out to God and reminded Him of the promise he gave me in Psalm 91.  One of which was when I called out that He would answer. Carl began to settle down but still had pains in his leg and nausea. I continued to pray and then I felt God instructing me to read Mark 4. I began to read and wondered why He pointed me to the parable of the sower.  I continued to read. Next came the account of the disciples being afraid that they would drown in the storm. After Jesus calmed the storm He said to them,

Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?

That was it. That is why I had to read Mark 4. Throughout this whole ordeal, our storm, I have been learning to put my trust in what God said and not the circumstances that I see. I guess I got so comfortable in where I was that I didn’t realize I was slipping back into trusting what I saw. So the Father had to SCARE me back to FAITH; Faith in Him and what He said He would do. I have been refocused. Focused on what God promised rather than what I see happening in the healing process.

By the way, there are good things happening. The doctor’s have removed a very toxic drug called Amioderone. The side affects can cause extremely life threatening damage. It is the major contributor to the neuropathy. Since its removal, Carl is getting stronger and is standing with very little assistance. I am optimistic that he may be trying to walk by next week if not sooner. He said he feels like he is coming out of the mental fog. All these positives are the reasons I was so scared this morning.

So I say to you don’t lose focus. Keep your eyes on the promise that God has given you no matter what else may be happening. God’s course correction is not fun. Don’t give Him cause to Scare you back to Faith.

It Would Be So Easy

by ladypbwiggins

It would be so easy to hate the shooter in the Charleston Church.

Nine dead for no obvious reason but hatred.

It would be so easy to hate the system and environment that bred that hatred.

It would  be so easy to travel back in time to slavery in the Carolinas and

Hate all slave owners, slave brokers and the good people who said nothing.

It would be so easy to blame his parents and

Hate them.

It would be so easy!

But rather I choose to do the HARD thing.

I choose to pray for the hearts and minds of the victims’ families

That they forgive the shooter in the midst of their grief.

I choose to pray for change in the shooter’s mind.

Living life abundantly, securely not fearfully for others.

I choose to forgive the system that bred this hatred.

I choose to understand that they are not living free

But bound in the prison of hatred and they don’t know it.

I choose the HARD thing.

Otherwise, I will become bound in the chains of hate;

My words will shoot the bullets of anger and hatred.

I will become him.

I choose the Hard thing.

27  “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28  bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 

Luke 6:27-28 (ESV) 

Humility Lesson #2

by ladypbwiggins

God didn’t we do this already? Thought I had learned this lesson. When you lose everything except your family and your life, you learn humility. At least I thought that is what I learned. See now I have to get the definition of humility. Maybe that is not what I was learning at all.The definition I found for humility is being modest or having a low view of your own importance. That doesn’t sit well with me. It kind of sounds like to have humility is to believe your are not worth anything. I like better the biblical definition. Humility seems to be described as not being arrogant or prideful. When you lose everything there is very little to be prideful about. So what lesson am I learning.

During my husband’s Los Angeles hospital stay, I was in a car accident that totaled my car. I had to rely on others to get me to the hospital cross town. Losing my independence made it very clear. I never learned to rely on other people the way that I have had to do in this last few weeks. It was very difficult to ask people to drive me to the hospital or grocery store or even to the post office. I felt I was imposing on their time and schedules. The most recent and hard hitting part of this lesson was to find out people loved me enough to give so generously. I knew they loved my husband like that but I never believed I was a significant part of that equation. One of my church sisters’ words hit me in the back of my head (she was sitting behind me when she spoke). She said

“I am blessed that you allowed us to help.” Wham!

I allowed you to help and you feel blessed.

The next blow to my emotions came when I received gifts as a result of my daughter’s fundraising efforts to purchase a vehicle. I don’t know who gave but there are two that I never would have expected sent gifts. The last powerful blow came when some friends assisted in purchasing my new car. I won’t go into details because they want to remain anonymous but suffice it to say, it was way beyond anything I would have expected to be done for me. Accepting their gift was humbling but it was more than that. I was opening up to receive God’s love through two of His children and I was allowing them the opportunity to share His love.

This was the real life expression of God keeping His word that if you give, He would give back to you in “good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over shall men (people) give into your bosom.” That has certainly happened to me and I am still overwhelmed. I feel like I have been run over by an 18 wheeler loaded with love.

I guess my humility lesson is learning how to receive through people what God has promised. To everyone who has blessed us, who has loved us

Thank You!

I Can’t Imagine!

by ladypbwiggins

This morning I awakened with thoughts on some things I was experiencing and how those same things were perceived by those around me. I realized my behavior was based on what God said and not what I saw. I had finally matched my behavior with my belief and found only a few people would understand. As I pondered this revelation about myself, my definition of Faith began to form.

Faith is living in a space where

  • the impractical becomes what is practical;
  • the unrealistic becomes what is realistic and real;
  • the impossible becomes what is possible;
  • the limited becomes what is unlimited, the boundaries of possibilities are removed.

Faith allows you to fly free expecting everything to happen in ways you never thought. Is that what the scripture that says

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—   these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.   1 Corinthians 2:9-10 (ESV)

means? I am excited to see what God has prepared for me and my husband and those who are living or learning to live in the Faith Space.

I feel like a bird must feel when it takes flight and sees well beyond the limited view it previously had. In the Faith Space the only boundary is God and I can’t even imagine what He has prepared. He even said that His thoughts are not my thoughts. So from my puny perspective there are no boundaries only exciting experiences.

The fear of the unknown is slowly being replaced with the excited expectation of God doing the impossible and revealing to me what only can be seen “through the Spirit” in the Faith Space.

Many of you know that I am believing God for total healing and restoration for my husband. Everyday I see improvement where some others only see what has not improved. But God’s latest move is buying us a car. I left home planning to check out a certified used vehicle in my budget range. I prayed that God would slam the door shut and lock it on the vehicles that were not His choice. I walked away with a new vehicle, never owned by anyone at the same price of the used one. I never imagined. This is just one of the things He has prepared for us. My next adventure is discovering how God plans to pay for it because the previous source seems to be drying up but then even that might be a mirage in the Faith Space.

I now live in the realm of expectation called the Faith Space.

P.S. It is not always easy living in this space but it is never boring.

Because God Said So!

by ladypbwiggins

On March 26, 2015, my husband had a heart attack. While the paramedics worked to revive him, I prayed.

Lord, if it is his time, I don’t want him to suffer. If it is not, please heal him completely.

At that moment, he was revived and breathing on his own. God said it wasn’t his time. The scripture God gave me was Psalm 91.

It basically says, the one who sits down in the hiding place of the most High God shall stop and remain in the shade of protection that He provides. David, the writer, lists benefits of being in the shade of the Almighty. Conditions and the outcome of fulfilling those conditions are given. This is the part I felt was speaking of Carl.

Because he (Carl) has set his love on Me (God), I will deliver and protect Him.

When he calls me I will answer.

When he is in trouble I will rescue him and honor him

With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation (deliverance, victory and prosperity)

I was and am determined to believe if God allowed David to experience that, he was telling me that Carl would also. You may think I am crazy but I believe God. He Said So!

As the days went by I held on to that belief and accepted every small progress toward healing as confirmation and then he acquired pneumonia. I wasn’t shaken, it was just a delay. It turned out to be a long, intensely trying, delay.

On April 16 there was another cardiac attack. I watched as the team in ICU worked on him. I couldn’t believe all those people and machines got in that already filled room. The quickness and precision with which they moved was mind-blowing. It was a very organized, efficient, chaos. After he was revived, I sat wondering if I heard God wrong because this was not looking so good. Somewhere in there I realized Psalm 91 applied to me also. I asked God to clear up my confusion. The next day, Carl had another attack. I watched the team go into action. Suddenly the Code Blue light and alarm went off. One of the nurses said they were not needed. He had revived himself. They were amazed because they knew his heart was too weak to do that.

Many of you would say he was lucky. I say God answered my prayer. He showed me that he was doing a healing work in Carl and to trust him. To confirm this, one of my church sisters came to visit that Saturday and she read a scripture that she felt strongly was given to her regarding Carl. It was Psalm 41. Again a condition and a promise.

Psalm 41:1-3 (NKJV)
1  Blessed is he who considers the poor; The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.
2  The LORD will preserve him and keep him alive, And he will be blessed on the earth; You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies.
3  The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed

Carl slept. I fought a different kind of battle while he slept. I talked about it in The Battle post. I will just say here that it was hard and hard fought. However, I learned a lot. A day or so passed and I prayed another prayer. This time it was Lord, how long should I let him stay on these machines. He doesn’t want to live like this. Is he still with us and will he have a good quality of life after it is all over? All these things I cried out to God about because he promised to answer me. When I got to the hospital, Carl was sitting up, eyes wide open and smiling at the nurse. God answered.

So here we are, almost a month later, with him still on the ventilator but there is no arterial blockage. The doctors’ plan of attack is to make his heart strong enough to get a defibrilator implanted. My plan is to watch God restore his heart completely to newness. That was what I asked for in the first place, complete healing. I had another lesson to learn during all of this. It is not enough to see God work and believe while looking at your circumstance. Walking by faith in its purest state is not seeing the circumstance but seeing beyond it. Seeing only what God said regardless of what everything looks like around you. God defies our reasoning.

Has Carl been healed? Not according to the doctors. BUT… I see a perfectly pumping heart in the chest of the man I love and it is simply because

God said so!

After That First Moment

by ladypbwiggins

I sat in the hospital admissions office filling out paper.

“Of course I want you to treat him.

” Of course I want you to do whatever is necessary.

Why would I say no? My mind wondering who thinks up these questions to ask people in an emergency.   My reasonable, logical mind knows the answer. The hospital must ask for liability reason but in that moment I thought it was asinine.

I wanted answers to my questions and I wanted them now!

“Where is my husband and what are they doing?”

“‘Why want they come and get me?”

I waited almost two hours and I still don’t know why. Finally the admissions clerk got tired of waiting and went to check. The emergency room team had stabilized him but didn’t remember to come and get me. I managed to stay calm during the two hours of not knowing. Oh how I wanted so badly to have him transferred from that hospital to my home hospital. It didn’t happened. God what are you teaching me?

He was admitted and moved to ICU. I waited almost 24 hours before I saw a doctor. Supposedly he communicated with the staff but not me. I was calm but felt the rage rising. When he came I felt the ice cold chill emanating from me. I can only guess what he felt. (I must say the nursing staff was really nice and tried to be as helpful as possible.) The only good thing he accomplished as far as I was concerned was getting my husband transferred to Kaiser Permanente-Fontana.

I decided in that moment that I would not wait for doctors for my answers. I would assert myself into their rounds discussions and ask my questions. I would listen to orders verbally given to the nurses. I would ask the nurses what they were doing and why they were doing it. God gave me favor with the doctors, nurses and therapists. He gave me the correct way to approach them. Amazingly, it was with the gentleness of a lamb and the shrewdness of the serpent. Only His Spirit could do that. I watched myself operate in His humility and kindness. It feels good and it is powerful. I hope I never lose this. I better understand

“The meek shall inherit the earth.”