God

The 7th Month and Then…..

by ladypbwiggins

October 28th marks the end of the 7th month of our health journey; the one that began with my husband’s cardiac arrest in our bathroom. Seven is the number of completion. The seventh day God rested.This month has not been restful but as I compare it to the first six, yes it has.

Many things have changed in these last 7 months.

  • Carl has lost about 100 lbs. He is no longer considered obese.
  • We are more committed to eating a cleaner, nutritious diet.
  • I have learned more about the Kaiser Permanente System than I ever hoped to know.
  • I have learned some medical protocols that we all need to know.
  • I have learned just how much power an insistent advocate has; especially one whose on God’s team.
  • A car accident resulted in a new, more functional vehicle.  Romans 8:28
  • We have learned who our real friends are.
  • We have learned the meaning of Malachi 3:
    • “Good measure, pressed down, shaken together shall men (women) give into your bosom.”
  • Most of all, we have learned many lessons about God’s faithfulness. 

As October 28th approaches, my thoughts go to the prayers for October 29th, the 8th month. Eight is the number of new beginnings. So what is my desire for the 8th month,

  • The good work that God has begun to continue.
    • I desire complete healing for my husband.
    • I desire God’s revelation of His plan for our new lives.
      • I know this experience was not just for us to learn. There must be a greater purpose.
    • I desire a financial opportunity enveloped in that plan.
  • I desire leisure time with my husband. A trip to Santa Barbara or Carmel would be lovely.
  • I desire NO doctor visits that are not routine checkups for either of us. No hospital stays.

The 8th month will provide an awesome Thanksgiving. We have so much for which to be thankful. I think I will begin now.

Thank You

To All who have supported us with your prayers, dinners, rides, and finances.

To All the doctors, nurses, and therapists who have helped us and taught me.

To Eagles Wings Christian Church family.

To our personal family.

To my God.

Who has sheltered us, protected us, and kept us.

Psalm 91

The Doctors Said

by ladypbwiggins

The Doctors said he wouldn’t live. He did.

The Doctors said he wouldn’t remember. He does, more everyday.

The Doctors said he wouldn’t walk again. He is, farther everyday.

The Doctors said….

Don’t get me wrong. Doctors have their usefulness. However, they are not the last word.

Whose report will you believe? The Doctors’ or God’s.

Scared!

by ladypbwiggins

Sometimes you just need to refocus. Being really scared can cause you to do that.

Carl awakened in pain from the neuropathy in his legs. Then I realized he was perspiring like a running water faucet and cold to the touch at the same time. This is usually an indication that his blood pressure has dropped too low. I put pillows under his legs to raise them. He asked for a wet wash cloth to wipe his face and neck. That was good. He was conscious and communicating. He wanted to be on his side, then his stomach and then his back all in a matter of minutes. Then he told me he was dizzy and nauseous and thought he might vomit. I went to get a container for that and he began to dry heave. I was SCARED. I asked him if I should call 911. He said he didn’t know and then I got a feeling that I should wait. I called out to God and reminded Him of the promise he gave me in Psalm 91.  One of which was when I called out that He would answer. Carl began to settle down but still had pains in his leg and nausea. I continued to pray and then I felt God instructing me to read Mark 4. I began to read and wondered why He pointed me to the parable of the sower.  I continued to read. Next came the account of the disciples being afraid that they would drown in the storm. After Jesus calmed the storm He said to them,

Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?

That was it. That is why I had to read Mark 4. Throughout this whole ordeal, our storm, I have been learning to put my trust in what God said and not the circumstances that I see. I guess I got so comfortable in where I was that I didn’t realize I was slipping back into trusting what I saw. So the Father had to SCARE me back to FAITH; Faith in Him and what He said He would do. I have been refocused. Focused on what God promised rather than what I see happening in the healing process.

By the way, there are good things happening. The doctor’s have removed a very toxic drug called Amioderone. The side affects can cause extremely life threatening damage. It is the major contributor to the neuropathy. Since its removal, Carl is getting stronger and is standing with very little assistance. I am optimistic that he may be trying to walk by next week if not sooner. He said he feels like he is coming out of the mental fog. All these positives are the reasons I was so scared this morning.

So I say to you don’t lose focus. Keep your eyes on the promise that God has given you no matter what else may be happening. God’s course correction is not fun. Don’t give Him cause to Scare you back to Faith.

It Would Be So Easy

by ladypbwiggins

It would be so easy to hate the shooter in the Charleston Church.

Nine dead for no obvious reason but hatred.

It would be so easy to hate the system and environment that bred that hatred.

It would  be so easy to travel back in time to slavery in the Carolinas and

Hate all slave owners, slave brokers and the good people who said nothing.

It would be so easy to blame his parents and

Hate them.

It would be so easy!

But rather I choose to do the HARD thing.

I choose to pray for the hearts and minds of the victims’ families

That they forgive the shooter in the midst of their grief.

I choose to pray for change in the shooter’s mind.

Living life abundantly, securely not fearfully for others.

I choose to forgive the system that bred this hatred.

I choose to understand that they are not living free

But bound in the prison of hatred and they don’t know it.

I choose the HARD thing.

Otherwise, I will become bound in the chains of hate;

My words will shoot the bullets of anger and hatred.

I will become him.

I choose the Hard thing.

27  “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28  bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 

Luke 6:27-28 (ESV) 

I Can’t Imagine!

by ladypbwiggins

This morning I awakened with thoughts on some things I was experiencing and how those same things were perceived by those around me. I realized my behavior was based on what God said and not what I saw. I had finally matched my behavior with my belief and found only a few people would understand. As I pondered this revelation about myself, my definition of Faith began to form.

Faith is living in a space where

  • the impractical becomes what is practical;
  • the unrealistic becomes what is realistic and real;
  • the impossible becomes what is possible;
  • the limited becomes what is unlimited, the boundaries of possibilities are removed.

Faith allows you to fly free expecting everything to happen in ways you never thought. Is that what the scripture that says

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—   these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.   1 Corinthians 2:9-10 (ESV)

means? I am excited to see what God has prepared for me and my husband and those who are living or learning to live in the Faith Space.

I feel like a bird must feel when it takes flight and sees well beyond the limited view it previously had. In the Faith Space the only boundary is God and I can’t even imagine what He has prepared. He even said that His thoughts are not my thoughts. So from my puny perspective there are no boundaries only exciting experiences.

The fear of the unknown is slowly being replaced with the excited expectation of God doing the impossible and revealing to me what only can be seen “through the Spirit” in the Faith Space.

Many of you know that I am believing God for total healing and restoration for my husband. Everyday I see improvement where some others only see what has not improved. But God’s latest move is buying us a car. I left home planning to check out a certified used vehicle in my budget range. I prayed that God would slam the door shut and lock it on the vehicles that were not His choice. I walked away with a new vehicle, never owned by anyone at the same price of the used one. I never imagined. This is just one of the things He has prepared for us. My next adventure is discovering how God plans to pay for it because the previous source seems to be drying up but then even that might be a mirage in the Faith Space.

I now live in the realm of expectation called the Faith Space.

P.S. It is not always easy living in this space but it is never boring.

Because God Said So!

by ladypbwiggins

On March 26, 2015, my husband had a heart attack. While the paramedics worked to revive him, I prayed.

Lord, if it is his time, I don’t want him to suffer. If it is not, please heal him completely.

At that moment, he was revived and breathing on his own. God said it wasn’t his time. The scripture God gave me was Psalm 91.

It basically says, the one who sits down in the hiding place of the most High God shall stop and remain in the shade of protection that He provides. David, the writer, lists benefits of being in the shade of the Almighty. Conditions and the outcome of fulfilling those conditions are given. This is the part I felt was speaking of Carl.

Because he (Carl) has set his love on Me (God), I will deliver and protect Him.

When he calls me I will answer.

When he is in trouble I will rescue him and honor him

With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation (deliverance, victory and prosperity)

I was and am determined to believe if God allowed David to experience that, he was telling me that Carl would also. You may think I am crazy but I believe God. He Said So!

As the days went by I held on to that belief and accepted every small progress toward healing as confirmation and then he acquired pneumonia. I wasn’t shaken, it was just a delay. It turned out to be a long, intensely trying, delay.

On April 16 there was another cardiac attack. I watched as the team in ICU worked on him. I couldn’t believe all those people and machines got in that already filled room. The quickness and precision with which they moved was mind-blowing. It was a very organized, efficient, chaos. After he was revived, I sat wondering if I heard God wrong because this was not looking so good. Somewhere in there I realized Psalm 91 applied to me also. I asked God to clear up my confusion. The next day, Carl had another attack. I watched the team go into action. Suddenly the Code Blue light and alarm went off. One of the nurses said they were not needed. He had revived himself. They were amazed because they knew his heart was too weak to do that.

Many of you would say he was lucky. I say God answered my prayer. He showed me that he was doing a healing work in Carl and to trust him. To confirm this, one of my church sisters came to visit that Saturday and she read a scripture that she felt strongly was given to her regarding Carl. It was Psalm 41. Again a condition and a promise.

Psalm 41:1-3 (NKJV)
1  Blessed is he who considers the poor; The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.
2  The LORD will preserve him and keep him alive, And he will be blessed on the earth; You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies.
3  The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed

Carl slept. I fought a different kind of battle while he slept. I talked about it in The Battle post. I will just say here that it was hard and hard fought. However, I learned a lot. A day or so passed and I prayed another prayer. This time it was Lord, how long should I let him stay on these machines. He doesn’t want to live like this. Is he still with us and will he have a good quality of life after it is all over? All these things I cried out to God about because he promised to answer me. When I got to the hospital, Carl was sitting up, eyes wide open and smiling at the nurse. God answered.

So here we are, almost a month later, with him still on the ventilator but there is no arterial blockage. The doctors’ plan of attack is to make his heart strong enough to get a defibrilator implanted. My plan is to watch God restore his heart completely to newness. That was what I asked for in the first place, complete healing. I had another lesson to learn during all of this. It is not enough to see God work and believe while looking at your circumstance. Walking by faith in its purest state is not seeing the circumstance but seeing beyond it. Seeing only what God said regardless of what everything looks like around you. God defies our reasoning.

Has Carl been healed? Not according to the doctors. BUT… I see a perfectly pumping heart in the chest of the man I love and it is simply because

God said so!

I Was Wrong!

by ladypbwiggins

About midnight I posted The Battle. I talked a little about the struggle I was having between my Faith and my Sight.This morning about 3:15 I realized I was not doing my assignment correctly. I was all wrong. What do you mean, Pat? Are you saying God can’t heal your husband? Are you saying that you don’t believe anymore? Are you saying it is too hard to have faith in this circumstance. Absolutely not! I was doing my homework from the wrong perspective.

At 3:15 am, I realized I was still focusing on what I saw. What I saw dictated my prayer, my attitude, my fatigue. I wondered why I no longer had peace like I did in the beginning of this journey. I couldn’t give up; Too stubborn for that and too many people watching my behavior and my words. I was tormented by thoughts of final plans and insurance policies. Would Deborah get here in time? How did this line up with “I am trusting God to heal him?” It didn’t. I really want to see through the eyes of faith. I wanted and still want God to reverse the situation because only He can do it. I want Him to be glorified. believers strengthened and people drawn.  I thought I was really standing on His word. I was doing some kind of hybrid. I saw, I believed what I saw was reality and then I tried to have the faith that God could change it if He wanted to.

I realized I was just like Job and the lesson I was to learn was his lesson. God wanted me to know who He is. My attention should have been on the abilities of God. It should have been on the character and power of God. What I saw did not matter.

Job 42:1-6 (God’s Word translation)
1  Then Job answered the LORD,
2  “I know that you can do everything and that your plans are unstoppable.
3  “{You said,} ‘Who is this that belittles my advice without having any knowledge {about it}?’ Yes, I have stated things I didn’t understand, things too mysterious for me to know.
4  “{You said,} ‘Listen now, and I will speak. I will ask you, and you will teach me.’
5  I had heard about you with my own ears, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.
6  That is why I take back what I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show that I am sorry.”

Job 42:1-6 (New KJV)
1  Then Job answered the LORD and said:
2  “I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
3  You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
4  Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
5  “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You.
6  Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes.”

I submit myself, my  mind and sight to you Lord. Help me see You and Your plan. 

Driven

by ladypbwiggins

I was listening to a minister the other day trying to explain to his congregation that we live under grace and not under the law. For those of you who are not Christians, he was referring to Ten Commandments and the Levitical laws listed in the Old Testament. That statement has always sent me into a “thought wilderness.” I mean my thoughts are wandering around my head seeking answers to things that don’t make sense. Here is my quandary.

The Word says God cannot lie and He doesn’t change. The Word says that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. So if He doesn’t change, how are we not under His law?

Next set of thoughts. Jesus was born into a Hebrew family who taught Him the law. He lived the law. He taught the law, Everything He taught was in agreement with the law. That makes sense, since He is the Living Word of God. He had to be consistent with Himself. So if He lived the law and said that He did not come to abolish the law but to complete it.  How then are we not under the law?

Next thought. The Apostle Paul was the one who made the statement, “….we are not under the law but under grace.” However, Paul said he was a Jew educated by Gamaliel and could boast of knowing the law more than most. Looking closely at the context I could see his teaching did not contradict the law. Putting on Christ, taking off the works of the flesh are in agreement with the Sermon on the Mount and the Ten Commandments. So what did Paul mean when he made these statement?

      Romans 6:12-17 (KJV) 

        12  Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
        13  Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves   unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.
        14  For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.

As I contemplated that question, it came to me. I believe God dropped it in my thoughts. Is it possible and even more likely that Paul was trying to explain to those who would have understood his phrasing or colloquialism as to how they should live and why. In the context Paul is explaining to the Christians in Rome that when a decision to truly follow the Christ is made our nature, our spirit changes. It becomes an internal thing. Our thinking changes, therefore, our behavior changes. He also explains that we are empowered by God to accomplish this. It comes from the inside, the very essence of our being.

We are not driven to obey God because it is the law. Instead we are motivated by His grace shown to us. His undeserved favor towards me is my motivation.

He cares for me because He loves me not because I did something to deserve it. In fact if He gave me what I deserved, I would be dead. I obey God because I appreciate Him. I reverence Him. I love Him. If I were God that would be desired so much more than someone obeying me because they were compelled to follow a law. One way facilitates intimacy and relationship. The other provokes you to respond to a legalistic check list. God did not change. He did not make His law irrelevant. We are still judged by the law but He administers justice through the filter of grace. Therefore,

I am under grace.

Driven to live His standards because of His GRACE.

For I Know The Plans I Have For You

by ladypbwiggins

Many of us who are Christians have heard and clung to the statement, “For I know the plans I have for you.” Jeremiah 29:11  We use it to explain why we should have hope and not give up when things go bad. It is a comfort during those times because it reminds us that God has our back and all of this is a part of His plan. I have found comfort from it while waiting for direction. But is that all it means? Is that the only lesson we can learn from it?

To answer these questions, I went back a few chapters to get the context. As I suspected, we have missed the full impact of this statement.

 It all comes down to a promise, the conditions and consequences of not fulfilling the conditions. God promised Judah that He would not bring calamity on them if they turned back to Him. He desired them to keep His statues and commandments and serve Him only.  If they chose to continue to disobey Him, He would gather the nations from the north to attack and King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon to enslave them for 70 years. It is recorded that the king, prophets and priests of Judah chose to continue to disobey God. God promised to destroy the king and those who did not go into captivity as He directed. Those who did go into captivity were promised time to return to God, to get to know Him and once again be His people and He their God. The captives were to build homes and grow their families as if they were home in their homeland. During this time they would learn of Him, they would seek Him call on Him and learn to serve Him with their whole being. Then they would be His people and He their God. At the end of the 70 years He would restore everything to them. This was His plan for His people.

For those of us who believe we the inheritors of Abraham’s and his descendants promises by faith we can learn much from Judah’s experience. If we keep the word of God that we say we believe, He will not bring calamity on us. If we choose to disobey Him count on being punished. Our captivity can be a variety of things, manifested in a variety of ways. We can become captive to habits, mental illness, anger, resentment, depression, poor finances or bad relationships. During this time, use it to get to know your God and return completely to Him. Know that He is keeping all of your “good stuff” safe and protected while you are learning. It will all be restored. This is His plan for you and me.