Beginning Anew Again

Over our 44 years of marriage we have started over several times. We changed avocations, we’ve made geographic changes and we have made dietary lifestyle changes. All of these changes caused something to begin again; Start over. In the last 3 years we have moved to a new state, moved back into apartment living and become vegans.

I am the primary caregiver for my husband. At one point I became physically challenged myself. People told me I looked and sounded tired. I couldn’t see it. When you do what you have to do you don’t think about it. I had chest pains and went to the hospital. All my test were normal. Thankfully it was just stress and I had an overnight stay and rest. That’s when I realized how tired I was. Everyone said rest but figuring out how to rest created more stress. And then Covid 19 dilema arrived. I didn’t get the virus but months of isolation caused depression to sneak in. Just what I needed, a mental health issue. Another thing to battle. I was getting a handle on that and then the Houston deep freeze. Thirty-six hours of no power and below freezing temperature just added to the stress. We stayed in bed for 30+ hours. I only arose to prepare food. Good thing we knew how to eat raw vegan. Oh yeah and to use the bathroom. You would think that was a good time to get some rest but it wasn’t. We were fully dressed in sweats and beanies under several heavy blankets. I felt buried alive but it was necessary. We were still cold. One night it was 9 degrees outside and it felt like all of that inside. So tell me how do you rest from that. I feel like I aged over this last year. My body hurt in places it hasn’t before. Recovery made it very clear that our 2nd floor living must come to an end.

The search began for a first floor, one level home. Change One. Change Two. During the pandemic I gained weight. I miss my size 12 and I plan to begin our dominantly raw vegan lifestyle again. At least that’s the plan. I know many aches and pains will be diminished or eliminated. I will see my size 12 again this year. Change Three. I am resuming my hobbies because I need the outlet. I had put them aside for a while but I have to begin again.

Back to Change One. We moved into that 1st floor home. Love it but it is taking longer to unpact because my bosy is still recovering. Change Two is proving more difficult than I thought. We are eating raw sometimes but the consistency is proving to be hard. Hence, I don’t know when I will see my size 12 but at least I haven’t gained more. Hobbies are still on hold.

Still beginning again but still moving forward. We have begun again and it is exciting. Always new. Beginning again brings new and exciting experiences.

Well, here I am two months after the move. I have spent the time trying to get adjusted: unpacking and organizing. I have not completely gone raw vegan or begun my hobbies but I am moving in that direction. My mental health has improved thanks to my kids and grandkids. They have blessed us immeasureably. I have so much for which to be thankful. So inspite of quarantine, deep freeze and body pain beginning again has been a blessing.

A Quiet Love Celebration

I was reminded today of the depth of love I have for my husband. Sometimes fatigue and a feeling of helplessness makes you impatient. Consistent rest is not something I get often. But this last week has been especially tiring. The last two nights 4 hours combined. But it was Christmas. This morning the emergency room became my Christmas celebration venue. Once I was there I forgot how tired I was. My husband’s care became my focus. Sitting in his emergency room watching him fluctuate between sleep and sharp pain, pierced my heart. Love overwhelmed me. He said this is the best party. You are together.

Love conquers all.

We usually think of wrongdoing but this time it conquered fatigue. I was ready for battle with the medical system which is sometime unreasonable. I was ready but it was not necessary. I guess that was my Christmas present.

Love was present. Love allowed me to be blessed and to be a blessing to some of the staff. Most of all, love sustained me. Love used the arms of my children and church family to hold me.

Now I am resting in love’s arms completely at peace. I miss my husband though not worried.

Thank you love for your birth, your life, your resurrection.

I had a very blessed Christmas Celebration.