depression

Day 3: Caregivers Don’t Ignore The Signs

by ladypbwiggins

Thirty Percent of Caregivers Die Before The People They Care For Do. Rough statistics show that 30% of caregivers die before those they are caring for. Some studies show deaths higher. Illness that doesn’t lead to death is rampant, as well – depression and auto-immune diseases are high on the list.
Thirty Percent of Caregivers Die Before The People They Care …

I heard this in passing several years ago and I wondered how that could be or why. After all, the caregivers are not sick. Now I understand. After being my husband’s primary caregiver for the last six years I can clearly see it. You don’t see the toll it takes on your body or mind but others see. You know you don’t feel 100% but you just chalk it up to being tired and keep going. This person is depending on you. So you push on to get it done.

Recently I have had to come to terms with the behavior that might have killed me. I am in no hurry to be in that 30%. The blood pressure opened my eyes but if I have paid more attention to me sooner, I never would have gotten here. So what could I have done. Simply prioritize my needs. I ignored my pains. I ignored my lack of sleep. I ignored my moments of depression. I ignored body’s cry for rest, mental and physical. I had warnings of what this stress was doing to me but of course I ignored them. I wasn’t going for the strongest woman award or affirmation from others. I had just put myself so far on the back burner. My needs didn’t seem as important. I was wrong and if you are doing this, you are too.

Caregivers don’t ignore tyourself.

Don’t ignore he stress.

Don’t ignore the signs.

BP update: 159/95 7:30am 8oz Beet Juice 11:35am 154/100 5:30pm 143/86 after .5 ml CBD oil

Be Aware

by ladypbwiggins

It’s sneaky. It’s stealth. It camoflages its true appearance.It’s described erroneously in many ways. My most common was fatigue. While I was truly tired it was the truth. It goes unnoticed by those around you most times. I hear many people say, “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I don’t feel sick but I just don’t feel right.” It can be the root cause of many other conditions. It can be minor. It can be severe, even deadly. Sadly, many people deny its presence until it’s too late.

What is it? It is mental illness. We usually think of people that have severe emotional problems when we think of mental illness but it can be as minor as a mild case of depression. That was my illness. I didn’t realize it until the pressure of the isolation of the pandemic began to be relaxed. You think you are just doing what is necessary to survive, to live and you think everything is fine. Suddenly you realize something is a little off kilter. Becasue I recognized it and the cause I was able to pull out of it rather easily. Pay attention to yourself and those around you. They may be suffering and don’t know it. You might be suffering and aren’t aware.

Be Aware!

It is Mental Illness Awareness Week. October 3-9.

Blame It On The Pandemic

by ladypbwiggins

Why not? I haven’t posted in quite awhile and I blame it on the pandemic. More specifically the side effects of the quarantine. I am a full time caregiver for my husband so my travels outside the home were already limited. I didn’t think it would matter that we were quarantined. I was so wrong. I suffered from the isolation depression that most other people experienced. I probably didn’t realize it as soon as others did. I woke up an realized I just did’t want to do anything that was not absolutely necessary for our survival. I felt myself getting irritable for no obvious reason. Added to that stress my husband was hospitalized from Christmas through New Years. The stress of not being able to see your loved one in the hospital is real. I was blessed with some very compassionate and helpful nurses and physician assistants. The doctors were fine but I delt with the nurses and PAs.

The last stressor experienced in this year+ was searching for a new home. Thankfully our daughters and their spouses relieved that pressure. Now I’m back to more normal stress:Unpacking and caring for my husband.

Many of my friends reported weight gain and bad eating habits were also the results of this pandemic. I just didn’t have the energy to prepare all of our meals the way raw vegans should. I succumbed to vegan processed meat substitutes and I found vegan restaurants that had curb-side pickup. I must tell you that I knew this was not good for us but I just couldn’t get it together. Today I took the first step toward getting back to more raw vegan meals. That is another post. 🙂 Hopefully in a few months I can report that we are eating healthier without processed vegan meat substitutes and have eliminated vegan fast food.

If you have experienced any of these things give yourself a break and take one step at a time to return to a new normal.

BLESSED LIVING!

Too, Too Much!

by ladypbwiggins

It’s just too, too much. Everyday we are bombarded with stressful information. Information I want to turn from but it is important to my life to know. Covid 19 cases increase, voting the primary run-off, to mask or not to mask, more police brutality, White House, the global news, . The list could go on but as you can see it’s too much for one brain to handle on a daily basis. All of that and family needs have not been addressed.

Being overwhelmed in this confined space on the daily can lead to depression. Don’t let it get to you. Take care of your mental health. Find a way to make the data flow less or slower. Unfortunately it is going to remain too, too much!

I Lost Myself

by ladypbwiggins

I lost myself

Where did I go?

I lost myself.

So busy being strong

I LOST myself.

What did I do wrong?

I see me lurking

Out of the corner of my eyes.

My face so sad

Wanting to be vibrant again.

Wanting to be free to

Enjoy hobbies, ocean waves,

Beach walks, mountain hikes,

Or a day on the sewing machine.

I lost MY SELF.

I see me but

I seem so out of reach.

How do I discover me

Again?

You Left Me

by ladypbwiggins

You left me

You left a hole in my essence.

Grands tried to take your place.

They loved me.

Taught me.

Comforted me.

Where were you?

You left me.

The influence of your leaving

Powerful!

I didn’t know how much      Until

I madeall those stupid relationship decisions

Looking for you.

You left me.

I loved a man that I thought I would marry.

When he left me

The impact of your leaving grew greater.

That hole you made grew larger and colder.

Your leaving, his leaving had such a hold on me

That my whole being ached.

You left me.

That day I stood over you

And realized I did not know you

Just as you did not know me.

You lay in that casket a stranger.

Father, I realized you finally

LEFT ME,

FINALLY,

I Forgive You.

I Remember That Night

by ladypbwiggins

Yesterday, I felt the lonliness and foreboding reflected in hsteinhayer101’s post  This Is Really Bad.  The story was told so well that I felt I was there. The “not knowing what to do” and the danger of making the wrong choice touched me. Her situation was far more serious and intense but her words took me back to my front porch over 30 years ago. My world was dark and lonely. It should have been one of the happiest times of my life. I had a newborn son, a wonderful husband and a helpful daughter. Nevertheless, my world was dark and lonely. The one overshadowing thing about depression is feeling all alone. I didn’t realize it at the time but I was suffering from Postpartum Depression. I just knew I wanted to end my life because for some reason I thought my family would be better off without me.

hsteinhayer101’s decision was choosing the correct place to sit. My decision was which direction to run that would guarantee getting far away to kill myself or be killed. I lived near two very busy streets that had a lot of traffic. A woman walking down the street in a thin nightgown would draw attention. It sounds silly now but that night I would have appeared to be a runaway from a mental asylum and the police would have picked me up. My husband found me and held me. I didn’t even know how to accept that at first. I felt he had spoiled my plans. When you are depressed and in that deep. dark place all you see is how good ending it all would be.

So many of us suffer from mental dis-ease and don’t realize it. We don’t consider depression from job loss or grief from a death mental dis-ease but it is. It may not last long or be as intense as others that cause them to seek escape in drugs or the control from another person.

I thank my husband and my Lord for bringing me through that time. The shadows of depression still linger just on the outskirts of my consciousness but I recognize it. It will not conquer me.