death

Deeper Perspective

by ladypbwiggins

Last week I completed a study on covenant and its relationship with God and mankind. Every culture has some form of covenant ritual and it is considered sacred, serious, eternally binding. Many included a shedding of blood. An example, cutting the wrist of the parties and mingling the blood. Two have become one.  God used the customs of Abraham’s culture to initiate a covenant with him.  The ratification of this covenant required animals to be cut in half and God to pass between them and consume them with fire. On man’s side it required the cutting of his foreskin. The new covenant with Yeshua required the cutting of his skin. On our side it requires a cutting away the foreskins on our hearts. But that entails not a literal cutting of our hearts but a submission to the will of God. It can be stated like this “Take up your cross and follow Me.”

What does it mean to take up your cross? I’ve heard many teachings on what Yeshua meant. I found nothing wrong with them. In fact, most made sense and were true. But this last week I saw something that shook my inner soul. To enter covenant with Yeshua I must become one with Him. I must take up my cross. What is the purpose of the cross? Crucifixion. Death. When I take up my cross I have accepted destination death. Death to self, death to my will, death to my life including physical death. So when you, I, picked up that cross we recieved and agreed to our death sentence.

We teach and preach about that abundant life and the promises of prosperity but that comes with the cost of our death. Don’t say Yeshua wouldn’t allow us to die because so many around the world have died already just because they took up that cross.

A Sickening Image

by ladypbwiggins

A couple of days ago on my way home I witnessed the aftermath of a hit and run. At first I wasn’t sure what I was seeing. The lower extremities of the injured party were smashed beyond recognition. I watched the struggle to survive.  I could almost feel the pain I saw on the face as the victim tried to drag itself out of the street. I wonder if the animal was asking, “Why aren’t my legs working?” I wanted to get out of my car and help but the traffic light changed. Suddenly cars were flying by and the tortured body was struck over and over again. It hurt me deep into my being. I remembered thinking how badly it must have hurt to know you could not avoid such a painful death. It was a rabbit. Something I have eaten before. I can’t eat it again. In that moment veganism became a real consideration.

As I remember it now it hurts and I wonder about the animals slaughtered to provide my food. Is this what it looks like in the slaughter houses? Will I continue to hurt when I go to the market? I ate fish tonight and did not give it a thought until I began writing this. Will my life long conditioning override the horror I witnessed? I don’t know. All I know is that was and is a sickening image to see in my mental photo album.

In That Moment

by ladypbwiggins

Almost three weeks ago I faced the death of my husband. There had not been any signs that this could come so quickly. We were getting ready for bed. He had just walked into the bathroom to take his shower. I was lying across the bed playing Angry Birds awaiting my turn. Suddenly there was this loud rumbling noise. I thought he had slipped in the shower. As I ran to him, I realized I didn’t hear any water running. When I entered the bathroom, I saw my tall, beautiful husband lying against the shower door gasping for air and in a contorted position.

In that moment

I came face to face with the reality of losing him;

with loneliness;

 with an empty space that should have been occupied;

with losing my best friend;

with the pain of telling our children and feeling their pain;

with a change in living conditions;

with that question of “what do I do now?”

All in that moment.

I called 911 and did chest compression as best I could in the position he was in. The paramedics arrived and took over. Somewhere after they first assessed him and then moved him to a flat position, he died. As I watched them an amazing calm overcame me. I found myself praying “Lord, if it is his time, I don’t want him to suffer. If it isn’t, please heal him.” After three shocks to his heart, he began to breath again. They quickly moved him to a gurney and then out the door.

I will never forget that moment when it felt time stopped. I encountered myself, death and my faith all clashing into that single point of time. My new journey began in that moment.