Mind

Mental wellness thoughts

Refined and Polished

by ladypbwiggins

Yesterday I celebrated my 70th birthday. Today is the beginning of my 71st year of life. Leading up to this time I had determined that it was time to re-invent myself. I planned to address my insecurities that are responsible for me living an impactless life. My plans have changed some what. Yesterday as part of my birthday celebration my baby daughter orchestrated a video presentation. She invited my family and people she knows have known me for a long time to express how I had impacted their life and to share a memory. I sat there listening to those who shared and thought I didn’t know they felt like that. I was just being me. Some cited incidents that they felt showed my strength. I felt they just seemed to me in trouble and caused people to dislike me. i really thought I was just tolerated because I was attached to Carl. I thought who are they talking about. They believe that I am strong. One even said I was fierce. I had been shot down and stomped on so often that I felt like there really was no reason that I should be using up the space and air others could have benefited from. To some extent this attitude caused me to deny myself of things I wanted or the quality of things I did get.

My friends and family have a different opinion of me. For that I am grateful and thankful. I awoke this morning realizing I like their view, their perspective. I have purposed to see myself through their eyes, I have decided not to re-invent myself. Apparently the core of who they see is who I wanted to be. Therefore I will leave the essence of who I am unchanged. I an asking for Yaweh’s help to refine that which needs refining and polish that which needs to shine brighter.

I am renewing my thinking about myself . I purpose to give myself the same grace and compassion that I give others. I give my best to others and now I purpose to give it to myself. I am moving myself up on my list . Oh, don’t worry. I am not going to become haughty and self-centered. I’m just going to treat myself better. I know this is not going to be something that happens overnite but I am beginning.

This post is my first step. Now you all know and those near and dear will hold me accountable, Second step is to become more consistent with my Bible study. Thirdly, I will wear more of what I like. People have seen glimpses of my style but not on a consistent level or the quality that I really like. I spent the money on my kids and my husband. They were in the public eye more than I. Really, who neede to dress up to clean bathrooms. 😀 The kids are grown and hubby is no longer Pastor Carl and community activist. I am making it my turn now. Not making do any more. I’ve wanted to sew, so sew I will. Before the pandemic I had lost weight and was wearing clothes that I loved. I had replaced the fat clothes. Over this last year of isolation, I have regained the weight. Food was my only physical comfort. I will eliminate the vegan fast food and return to the healthier versions. I will lose the weight again but I will dress the fat body well in the mean time. Not waiting.

Let the refining and polishing begin. 70 is the new 40.

Be Aware

by ladypbwiggins

It’s sneaky. It’s stealth. It camoflages its true appearance.It’s described erroneously in many ways. My most common was fatigue. While I was truly tired it was the truth. It goes unnoticed by those around you most times. I hear many people say, “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I don’t feel sick but I just don’t feel right.” It can be the root cause of many other conditions. It can be minor. It can be severe, even deadly. Sadly, many people deny its presence until it’s too late.

What is it? It is mental illness. We usually think of people that have severe emotional problems when we think of mental illness but it can be as minor as a mild case of depression. That was my illness. I didn’t realize it until the pressure of the isolation of the pandemic began to be relaxed. You think you are just doing what is necessary to survive, to live and you think everything is fine. Suddenly you realize something is a little off kilter. Becasue I recognized it and the cause I was able to pull out of it rather easily. Pay attention to yourself and those around you. They may be suffering and don’t know it. You might be suffering and aren’t aware.

Be Aware!

It is Mental Illness Awareness Week. October 3-9.

Stroganof Inspired

by ladypbwiggins

Today I was looking through my #Healthy Mind Cookbook and noticed several strogonof recipes. I am not a big creamy sauce person but the thought of using nondairy cream intrigued me. I used sweet peppers from my garden, a red onion for a little bite,fresh chopped garlic, fresh purple basil with its flowers from my plants, cumin, dried oregano, dried dill sauteed in avocado oil. Then I added shitake mushroom and enough flax milk to cover. Salted to taste with Celtic Sea Salt. Simmered until mushrooms were tender.

Strogonof Sauce Inspired

I poured thos over a baked potato. It was quite tasty. I might be getting good at this vegan cooking thing 😄😄😄

NO REGRETS!

by ladypbwiggins

Always Some Regret

One day during my early 20s I stood in the middle of my livingroom and announced to myself that when I am old, I didn’t want to regret look back on my life and have regrets. My thoughts reminded me of Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken. That day I stood at my metaphorical fork in the road. Do I take that path or the other one. I look back on my life now and realize there will always be some regret. I do have “what if” thoughts. If I had gone down the other path, would I have been successful and satisfied in that other career. Very possibly because my hobbies bring me such joy. The down side is I most likely would not have met my husband. I would not have been a step-mother. That brought with it joy and pain. I would not have given birth to these two amazing children. I probably would not have lived the life I have led with all of its ups and downs. The life that has brought me so much joy. I would have regretted missing this. Ah, but how would I know?

I may not be able to have that long dream career but I can enjoy many aspects as my hobbies. One of them I am getting to share with my youngest grand-daughter. I have no regrets.

I realize in my new middle aged wisdom that regret is inevitable. Regardless of what you decide there will be some regret. It is a waste of time and energy wondering what was down that other path. All of the experiences on this path are profitable to make you a better, stronger, happier person. I know some of you have a very rough life and can’t imagine anything profitable coming from it. But it can. First, learn from the situation. Change what you can that is beneficial to you. You have been made strong from it. You may not realize it but you have. Second for the the things you can’t change do the best you can to work them for your benefit. The situation may not change but you will.

Accepting that no decision will create a perfect life brings a healthier state of mind. Shake off the what ifs and focus on what’s in front of you.

Enjoy the road taken.

“Better” Micro-Living

by ladypbwiggins

To begin my “Better” I completed several chores from my To Do list. You know those  nuisance things that keep getting placed on the low priority list. I also began organizing my projects. I am determined to enjoy my life inspite of the environment I live in. There are hobbies I enjoy that have been put on hold. They are released in my “Better.” My macro-environment has become toxic. So I will make the micro- as healthy as possible. First I asked myself what would my environment look like if there was no Covid 19 or weekly  unnecessary deaths or increased anger and hatred? What would it be like if it wasn’t a presidential election year? Is it possible to create this space and yet remain aware of the happenings. Knowing what’s going on is very stressful.  But we have to know to make wise decisions.

I have been given the ability to disassociate emotionally after I have been hurt by someone I trusted. I call it a gift because I can remain in a decent relationship with them without the concern of being hurt again. I don’t hold grudges and I don’t remain angry.   I have to figure out how to mentally disassociate and still remain aware.

Jehovah God’s got this. I believe by faith I am his child. If I believe those two things my shield of faith can be enlarged to protect me from the darts of all this madness.

Yep. That’s the ticket. Now to begin the process. Yes it is a process. Just can’t flip a switch. My goal is to be in the know without the stress. I’m entering my “Better.”

I’m What?

by ladypbwiggins

I have been called many things in my life and told who and what I was suppose to be but these last few months have been quite interesting. I was told I wasn’t a Christian. I was told I was a communist liberal. I was a fraud. All of this because I didn’t agree with some things some other Christians believed or said. So you know I couldn’t just let that sit there. What exactly did these words mean? I know how they are portrayed but what do they mean?

Liberal – 1.open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values.

2. favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.(often initial capital letter) noting or pertaining to a political party advocating measures of progressive political reform.

Conservative – disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones, and to limit change.

Progressive – favoring or advocating progress, change, improvement, or reform, as opposed to wishing to maintain things as they are, especially in political matters:

Communism – a theory or system of social organization based on the holding of all property in common, actual ownership being ascribed to the community as a whole or to the state.

So from the Merriam Webster Dictionary and Dictionary.com,

I am open to new behavior or opinions and willing to get rid of traditional values to reform or progress society rather than leaving conditions and limiting change as they traditionally are and I want to hold all property in common for the community.

Liberal, Progressive, Communist. Based on the definition that sounds like a description of Yeshua aka Jesus and the Apostles. Yeshua shook up the Pharisees (Conservatives) world. They taught the Mosaic law but did not live the spirit of the law. They even created new law restrictions that they say were extensions of the original. These were very pious men who exacted judgement on the people with little to no compassion or intent to help them change. They were more concerned with appearances than the truly living the Law. They would swallow a camel and strain at a gnat. Check out Matthew 23 to see just what Yeshua said about their hypocrisy. Yeshua even told his followers not to pray like them. There were so many things they did that violated the very law they sought to preserve. Here’s an example. Just one example. The woman caught in adultery. The Law said both the woman and the man were to be stoned but they only brought the woman. They asked Yeshua what to do. He said very matter-of-fact, let him who is without sin cast the first stone. Now if they had done nothing else they had sinned by not bringing the man. He did not violate or change the law but he did open up some new behavior pathways. Stone her but be sure you are guiltless. You want another one. Okay. All that dining with the sinners like Matthew and Zaccheaus. How about hanging out with the prostitute Mary Magdeline. And that unclean woman that touched him, how dare he let her do that and not stone her? Oh and how about turning over the money changers tables in the temple? Now that was a non–conservative act if every they saw one. You don’t mess with temple, church, money.

His 3 year minitry was one of reform and making progress toward that reform. He gave us instructions that were all based on Love the Lord your God and Love your neighbor. That LOVE would reform and change the traditional behavior. If the Pharisees had taught that then Love would have been the traditional behavior. What we have now is “if your like me love”. If you meet my criteria love. If you are gay, I can’t show you love. If you are black, brown, white, immigrant, poor, rich, skinny, fat, whatever the reason not like me, I can’t show you love. Yeshua sought reformation on that thinking then and we need to reform our thinking now. Loving does not mean I agree with the person. Loving means I will care for you, I will share the Biblical truth with you and accept your decision. I will respect you and seek understanding of your perspective. I will offer you a safe space free from judgement. In that space I will show you His love; I will live my Biblical truth toward you. I will leave the judgement or condemnation to God. After all, according to Paul’s letter to the Corithians, that’s God’s job not mine. According to Yeshua’s commands we must love. Genuinely love. In fact the sum of His command was Go, teach and love. Oh, but first you had to live it. This was His progressive, liberal stance.

Now to that communism part. Yeshua took a little boy’s lunch and fed 5000 men. That count did not include the women and children that were fed. All things common so know one lacked anything. When the first century church sold all their possessions and brought them to the Apostles so that everyone’s needs were met, wasn’t that communism according to the definition? Hmm.

Now I know the purest form of these definitions have been perverted, but what if they weren’t? What if we were liberal enough to be open to progressive acts that would change our behavior to be more aligned with the Word of God. He said Love. Love would change this country. These religious mandates and judgments have only resulted in fear, anger and hatred. Yeshua showed Mary Magdaline love and forgiveness and she changed. He sat down in Matthew’s home and spoke truth with respect and love, and he changed. The same with Zacchaeus. He did not offer this selectively. Your sin is greater so I won’t deal with you. That’s not God’s love. The Law stayed unchanged but the improvement and reformation of peoples lives were changed forever. If we who say we follow Yeshua would be that kind of liberal, what we see being played out would not be necessary. So you conservatives who want everything to stay the same, your tradition stay that way if you like but I invite you to the freedom in being the kind of liberal Yeshua was. It is life reforming.

Yeshua was the most famous liberal, progressive, communist that ever walked this earth. So to you who thought you were insulting me, it was really the best compliment you could give me. Thank you. This is company I like being in.

My Vote Doesn’t Matter

by ladypbwiggins

How much effort do you put into stopping something that doesn’t matter? I suspect very little to none. If your vote doesn’t matter why are people working so hard to make it difficult for you to cast it? Why are they closing polling places near you? Why are they trying to institute disguised poll tax on you before you can vote? Why is mail-in being questioned during this pandemic. It’s been working in several states with no problem? Could it be that once that ballot is placed in the mailbox it is a federal offense to tamper with it? Seems like a lot of effort if it doesn’t matter.

There are very real reasons you should vote. I’m speaking to my Black family now. Many have bled and died so you could. It was a birthright that we were denied. Did they, your grandparents, great-parents go through that because it really didn’t matter. They recognized that it gave them a powerful voice that they had been denied.

Additionally, if you don’t vote you prove Massa was right. You aren’t capable of making such weighty decisions. You are triflin’ and lazy. You need the safety and protection of Massa on his plantation. You will get scraps to eat, a few rags to wear and a shack to live in and it’s not free. You will have to accept working hard for no wages, rape when he feels like it, beatings because you forgot and tried to express independent thought. This is what giving up your powerful voice will look like once again.

I, for one, will not return to this. I lived through the 60’s struggle. I lived in the Jim Crow south. While I was never beaten, I had friends who were. I lived under the daily threat. I went to the meetings and participated in local marches that could have resulted in that kind of brutality. I saw the look on my grandparents faces when they had to swallow their pride and go to the back door to get food at roadside restaurants. I had to watch my strong, proud great-grandmother say yes m’am to a white girl younger than me because it meant survival. I had to live with the colored/white only signs. The accommodations were separate but not equal. I lived the “back of the bus” experience. I also participated in the boycott. That was economic power in action. If am going to live and work on this plantation called the United States of America, I am going to have a say on how it’s run. I am going to have a say in the laws, privileges, benefits, punishments and my relative safety.

Your vote matters. Don’t give up your power. Don’t become a slave because of cynicism, past disappointments, a feeling of powerlessness. These are the tools Massa is happy to use to get you to give up your power. If nothing else vote to make him a lie.

VOTE! It’s your voice. It’s your power. It matters!

Too, Too Much!

by ladypbwiggins

It’s just too, too much. Everyday we are bombarded with stressful information. Information I want to turn from but it is important to my life to know. Covid 19 cases increase, voting the primary run-off, to mask or not to mask, more police brutality, White House, the global news, . The list could go on but as you can see it’s too much for one brain to handle on a daily basis. All of that and family needs have not been addressed.

Being overwhelmed in this confined space on the daily can lead to depression. Don’t let it get to you. Take care of your mental health. Find a way to make the data flow less or slower. Unfortunately it is going to remain too, too much!

Excalibur HELP!

by ladypbwiggins

I have been wanting to return to more of a raw eating lifestyle but a lot of things I wanted to prepare could not be done on my dehydrater. I wasn’t sure we would continue this lifestyle so I bought a cheapy. I decided to use some of that stimulus money to stimulate myself. I bought an Excalibur. I bought a refurbished 5 tray. The size is enough for my husband and I and the price was great. My first goal was to dry onions, veggie burgers and to SAVE the mushrooms. I am tired of mushrooms going bad before I get to use them. Dried veggies are going to stock my pantry.

Today (Tuesday) I made 2 trays of crackers and 3 bread loaves. Tomorrow I plan to make croquettes. Yum,yum.

We have been vegan but the cold weather encouraged cooking. The Impossible Whopper and Beyond Meat Burger made it convenient so I got lazy. Now I am back and ready. We want be 100% raw because my husband wants some cooked meals but most will be. I can already feel the difference.

I have more planned, especially my weakness, baked goods.

Faith or Sight? Choose! Revisited

by ladypbwiggins

Several years ago I posted this during a personal medical crisis. I felt led to repost as a reminder to me and other believers as we walk through this most recent national health crisis.
7 For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7 NKJV

I have heard that scripture cited so very much over my life. I even thought I knew what it meant. I thought….

On Friday, April 10, 2015 I realized I didn’t get it before. God said to me “Your behavior does not match your words. Are you really walking by faith or are you really walking by sight wrapped in limited faith.”

Let me give you some context.

At Eagles Wings Christian Church, we have been focusing a lot lately on “Walking by Faith, Not by Sight.” There are new activities that we want to accomplish and it will require faith to do it.

On Sunday, March 1, 2015, God spoke through our praise leader that everything would be alright. She uncontrollably kept repeating “everything will be alright.” We said Amen. What we didn’t understand that a few short minutes later, the pastor, my husband, would pass out just before taking the pulpit. Apparently, his blood pressure dropped and so did he. The emergency response team was called and he was revived and taken to the hospital. That morning the believers swarmed him with prayer. I felt no fear just prayerful power. After all we had been told “everything would be alright.”

The teachings continued and we as a church expected every week for a miracle. Little did we know God had an object lesson planned. On March 26th, God’s lesson began. “In That Moment” and “After the First Moment” tell the story so I invite you to read those posts.

This is where the Friday conversation becomes relevant. We talked about walking by faith and not by sight at church and among believers. That basically means we live, make decisions based on the faith that we have in some thing or someone not by what we observe in the circumstance. The scripture that was laid on my mind when my husband had his heart attack was Psalm 91 especially verses 14-16. I told everyone that I was standing in faith on this scripture for my husband’s recovery.

Here was my contradiction.

Sight said

He had a loss of oxygen. Brain damage

His heart has a 10-20% refraction – doesn’t pump blood strongly enough

Needs a defibrillator or other surgery

Prognosis is not so good.

The practical and realistic thinking person says let’s do what is medically necessary to save and improve his life. I mean it is reasonable right?

Faith says Psalm 91

Psalm 91:14-16 (NKJV)
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me,

therefore I will deliver him;

I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him

and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,

And show him My salvation.”

God said “You said Psalm 91 was your faith anchor while you make preparations to satisfy sight.” His question was clear. “Will you totally and completely trust me and my word? Choose.”

Do I listen to faith or sight? I chose faith. In that choice, I signed up to behave or live according to faith not what I see. Yes, I gather all the information from the doctors. I ask questions to understand what the doctors are doing. I then turn all that over to God and remind Him what He said.Until God says something different, I am expecting everything that He said in Psalm 91. My husband fulfills the conditions and I choose to trust God’s Word. It is my choice to live, walk, behave according to faith not just mentally believe.