Living Reality

Scared!

by ladypbwiggins

Sometimes you just need to refocus. Being really scared can cause you to do that.

Carl awakened in pain from the neuropathy in his legs. Then I realized he was perspiring like a running water faucet and cold to the touch at the same time. This is usually an indication that his blood pressure has dropped too low. I put pillows under his legs to raise them. He asked for a wet wash cloth to wipe his face and neck. That was good. He was conscious and communicating. He wanted to be on his side, then his stomach and then his back all in a matter of minutes. Then he told me he was dizzy and nauseous and thought he might vomit. I went to get a container for that and he began to dry heave. I was SCARED. I asked him if I should call 911. He said he didn’t know and then I got a feeling that I should wait. I called out to God and reminded Him of the promise he gave me in Psalm 91.  One of which was when I called out that He would answer. Carl began to settle down but still had pains in his leg and nausea. I continued to pray and then I felt God instructing me to read Mark 4. I began to read and wondered why He pointed me to the parable of the sower.  I continued to read. Next came the account of the disciples being afraid that they would drown in the storm. After Jesus calmed the storm He said to them,

Why are you afraid? Have you still no faith?

That was it. That is why I had to read Mark 4. Throughout this whole ordeal, our storm, I have been learning to put my trust in what God said and not the circumstances that I see. I guess I got so comfortable in where I was that I didn’t realize I was slipping back into trusting what I saw. So the Father had to SCARE me back to FAITH; Faith in Him and what He said He would do. I have been refocused. Focused on what God promised rather than what I see happening in the healing process.

By the way, there are good things happening. The doctor’s have removed a very toxic drug called Amioderone. The side affects can cause extremely life threatening damage. It is the major contributor to the neuropathy. Since its removal, Carl is getting stronger and is standing with very little assistance. I am optimistic that he may be trying to walk by next week if not sooner. He said he feels like he is coming out of the mental fog. All these positives are the reasons I was so scared this morning.

So I say to you don’t lose focus. Keep your eyes on the promise that God has given you no matter what else may be happening. God’s course correction is not fun. Don’t give Him cause to Scare you back to Faith.

The Next Phase To Complete Healing

by ladypbwiggins

This post was written earlier but it an integral part of the journey, so rather than update it timewise, I decided to post it as is. I will follow with an update to some things mentioned.

It has been a very educationally journey that I and my family have been on since my husband’s heart attack in March. He finally came home from rehabilitation on Friday. He has improved so much but we still have a ways to go to reach complete restoration. Several things have come to my attention that will be included in this next phase. I discovered Dr. Steven Masley’ 30-day Heart Tune-Up. This is an eating plan which focuses on heart strengthening. I have also discovered or at least it has been confirmed that we should really pay attention to the drugs that are being prescribed for us and our loved ones.

The Tune Up

We began the 30 day journey on Saturday August 1. I had to make some adjustments because we do not eat chicken, beef or pork. Today the Chicken Stir Fry was made with tofu. The dish was quite tasty.  Just in these two days I feel better. I have also noticed the pain from my husband’s neuropathy has decreased. I will be watching that because I was told neuropathy cannot be cured and that nerve regeneration was not possible. This side effect to the eating plan is welcomed but the jury is still out on the lasting effectiveness.

Drug Fight

I will be making appointments to visit Carl’s doctors on Monday. Our discussions will center around the drug Amioderone and Warfarin initially. Amioderone has some very serious side affects that are counterproductive to his healing. Waffarin is rat poison. Need I say more?

Stay tuned

If I Had Known …

by ladypbwiggins

Donald Lawrence said there was a King (Queen) in me.

I wish I had known.

I went to church every Sunday as a child.

I attended Sunday School.

I was a faithful youth usher, choir member

And everything else youth were involved in.

I had no choice.

Daddy made sure of that.

I celebrated your birth

I learned that you gave your life for me.

You loved me that much.

I learned that you’re powerful

After all, you rose from the dead.

I learned you were righteous and

Required my best behavior.

And I tried.

I learned how important you should be to me

BUT if I had known

Just how much you cared

About everyday, mundane things in my life.

I would have consulted you about my college and career choices,

who I dated, where I lived.

Heck, How I felt during those confusing teenage years.

Maybe my self perception would have been better.

What other’s thought would have had less influence.

Maybe I would have realized dark chocolate was beautiful.

I mattered to you during that painful transition from childhood to adulthood.

If I had known what your loving me really meant,

Maybe, just maybe I would have made better decisions.

Maybe, just maybe I would have lived like who YOU positioned me to be.

Maybe, just maybe I would have known there was a QUEEN in me.

Dark Chocolate!

by ladypbwiggins

Dark Chocolate,

Nappy Hair,

They pay big bucks to get what YOU got.

Yet you are made fun of even by your own

and Denied access to the best.

Why do we accept the “Paper bag” test?

Why do you have to prove yourself worthy more than the rest?

It is interesting that

The dark piece anchors the quilt design

The dark one draws the eye in a picture or a chorus line.

The rarest of gems are black or darkest in hue.

Consider the black diamond, black opal, chocolate diamond,

the deepest ruby and sapphire.

Oh, how precious and rare, just like you.

Even in food

The darker the color the richer and more beneficial

You know that green, red, yellow veggie or fruit.

Could it be that you are so maligned because

You are Intensely Richer.

You are More Beneficial.

You are Visually Overwhelming,

 Powerfully Stunning,

You are Stronger

You are More Precious, Priceless?

It is recorded that Dark Chocolate is good for anti-aging.

Could that be why black don’t crack?

DARK CHOCOLATE, NAPPY HAIR

You got it going on!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

My Defiant Brain!

by ladypbwiggins

I haven’t posted in days because I have been overwhelmed with life again.I don’t know what is worse; Getting behind and playing catch up or trying to stay current. Needless to say I am in the catch up situation on all fronts. In the last few months I could only focus on my husband, his needs and the lessons learned in this process.

I have had so many thoughts that I wanted to share lately that my brain scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! when I tried to sort them out. I feel a short circuit do to circuit overload coming on.I hope a night or two of sleep will allow me to begin this mental sorting. In the mean time, I will just sort paperwork that needs to be done and filed.

AWWWWW! that’s painful too. Do you feel me?

It Would Be So Easy

by ladypbwiggins

It would be so easy to hate the shooter in the Charleston Church.

Nine dead for no obvious reason but hatred.

It would be so easy to hate the system and environment that bred that hatred.

It would  be so easy to travel back in time to slavery in the Carolinas and

Hate all slave owners, slave brokers and the good people who said nothing.

It would be so easy to blame his parents and

Hate them.

It would be so easy!

But rather I choose to do the HARD thing.

I choose to pray for the hearts and minds of the victims’ families

That they forgive the shooter in the midst of their grief.

I choose to pray for change in the shooter’s mind.

Living life abundantly, securely not fearfully for others.

I choose to forgive the system that bred this hatred.

I choose to understand that they are not living free

But bound in the prison of hatred and they don’t know it.

I choose the HARD thing.

Otherwise, I will become bound in the chains of hate;

My words will shoot the bullets of anger and hatred.

I will become him.

I choose the Hard thing.

27  “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
28  bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 

Luke 6:27-28 (ESV) 

Surprise Discovery!

by ladypbwiggins

After weeks of living in jeans, sweaters and T-shirts, I decided to wear a dress. It is hot and I wanted to be presentable and cool. I went into my closet and pulled out a sleeveless, floral dress that did not cling to the hips. That is how it is designed. This will work I thought, cute and comfortable. I chose comfortable ankle strapped sandals, heels of course, to wear with it. I even thought about a little makeup for a change. Happy with my choices I began to get dressed. And then it happened. I made an unexpected discovery.

My dress doesn’t fit. It is too, too big!

A Natural Sedative

by ladypbwiggins

“Food is thy medicine. medicine is thy food.” -Hippocrates

A few days ago I made a vegetable-juice smoothie for my lunch. I drank it while visiting my husband. I shared it with him. That was not a good idea. Yes, he needed the nutrients and it was healthy but there was a sedative in the drink.  I had no idea. My alert husband was suddenly a very sleepy man. I thought his medications were the culprits but alas, it was me and my juice. I don”t know why I didn’t get as sleepy. I looked back on my day and I did get pretty relaxed. I guess he was more vulnerable in his weaken state.

I discovered while researching something else that Walnuts contained an acid that is a powerful sedative. So if you can’t sleep eat a handful of walnuts and go to bed.  🙂 I am not guaranteeing deep sleep but you stand a good chance of relaxing.

Humility Lesson #2

by ladypbwiggins

God didn’t we do this already? Thought I had learned this lesson. When you lose everything except your family and your life, you learn humility. At least I thought that is what I learned. See now I have to get the definition of humility. Maybe that is not what I was learning at all.The definition I found for humility is being modest or having a low view of your own importance. That doesn’t sit well with me. It kind of sounds like to have humility is to believe your are not worth anything. I like better the biblical definition. Humility seems to be described as not being arrogant or prideful. When you lose everything there is very little to be prideful about. So what lesson am I learning.

During my husband’s Los Angeles hospital stay, I was in a car accident that totaled my car. I had to rely on others to get me to the hospital cross town. Losing my independence made it very clear. I never learned to rely on other people the way that I have had to do in this last few weeks. It was very difficult to ask people to drive me to the hospital or grocery store or even to the post office. I felt I was imposing on their time and schedules. The most recent and hard hitting part of this lesson was to find out people loved me enough to give so generously. I knew they loved my husband like that but I never believed I was a significant part of that equation. One of my church sisters’ words hit me in the back of my head (she was sitting behind me when she spoke). She said

“I am blessed that you allowed us to help.” Wham!

I allowed you to help and you feel blessed.

The next blow to my emotions came when I received gifts as a result of my daughter’s fundraising efforts to purchase a vehicle. I don’t know who gave but there are two that I never would have expected sent gifts. The last powerful blow came when some friends assisted in purchasing my new car. I won’t go into details because they want to remain anonymous but suffice it to say, it was way beyond anything I would have expected to be done for me. Accepting their gift was humbling but it was more than that. I was opening up to receive God’s love through two of His children and I was allowing them the opportunity to share His love.

This was the real life expression of God keeping His word that if you give, He would give back to you in “good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over shall men (people) give into your bosom.” That has certainly happened to me and I am still overwhelmed. I feel like I have been run over by an 18 wheeler loaded with love.

I guess my humility lesson is learning how to receive through people what God has promised. To everyone who has blessed us, who has loved us

Thank You!

I Can’t Imagine!

by ladypbwiggins

This morning I awakened with thoughts on some things I was experiencing and how those same things were perceived by those around me. I realized my behavior was based on what God said and not what I saw. I had finally matched my behavior with my belief and found only a few people would understand. As I pondered this revelation about myself, my definition of Faith began to form.

Faith is living in a space where

  • the impractical becomes what is practical;
  • the unrealistic becomes what is realistic and real;
  • the impossible becomes what is possible;
  • the limited becomes what is unlimited, the boundaries of possibilities are removed.

Faith allows you to fly free expecting everything to happen in ways you never thought. Is that what the scripture that says

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—   these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.   1 Corinthians 2:9-10 (ESV)

means? I am excited to see what God has prepared for me and my husband and those who are living or learning to live in the Faith Space.

I feel like a bird must feel when it takes flight and sees well beyond the limited view it previously had. In the Faith Space the only boundary is God and I can’t even imagine what He has prepared. He even said that His thoughts are not my thoughts. So from my puny perspective there are no boundaries only exciting experiences.

The fear of the unknown is slowly being replaced with the excited expectation of God doing the impossible and revealing to me what only can be seen “through the Spirit” in the Faith Space.

Many of you know that I am believing God for total healing and restoration for my husband. Everyday I see improvement where some others only see what has not improved. But God’s latest move is buying us a car. I left home planning to check out a certified used vehicle in my budget range. I prayed that God would slam the door shut and lock it on the vehicles that were not His choice. I walked away with a new vehicle, never owned by anyone at the same price of the used one. I never imagined. This is just one of the things He has prepared for us. My next adventure is discovering how God plans to pay for it because the previous source seems to be drying up but then even that might be a mirage in the Faith Space.

I now live in the realm of expectation called the Faith Space.

P.S. It is not always easy living in this space but it is never boring.