Black Life

Refined and Polished

by ladypbwiggins

Yesterday I celebrated my 70th birthday. Today is the beginning of my 71st year of life. Leading up to this time I had determined that it was time to re-invent myself. I planned to address my insecurities that are responsible for me living an impactless life. My plans have changed some what. Yesterday as part of my birthday celebration my baby daughter orchestrated a video presentation. She invited my family and people she knows have known me for a long time to express how I had impacted their life and to share a memory. I sat there listening to those who shared and thought I didn’t know they felt like that. I was just being me. Some cited incidents that they felt showed my strength. I felt they just seemed to me in trouble and caused people to dislike me. i really thought I was just tolerated because I was attached to Carl. I thought who are they talking about. They believe that I am strong. One even said I was fierce. I had been shot down and stomped on so often that I felt like there really was no reason that I should be using up the space and air others could have benefited from. To some extent this attitude caused me to deny myself of things I wanted or the quality of things I did get.

My friends and family have a different opinion of me. For that I am grateful and thankful. I awoke this morning realizing I like their view, their perspective. I have purposed to see myself through their eyes, I have decided not to re-invent myself. Apparently the core of who they see is who I wanted to be. Therefore I will leave the essence of who I am unchanged. I an asking for Yaweh’s help to refine that which needs refining and polish that which needs to shine brighter.

I am renewing my thinking about myself . I purpose to give myself the same grace and compassion that I give others. I give my best to others and now I purpose to give it to myself. I am moving myself up on my list . Oh, don’t worry. I am not going to become haughty and self-centered. I’m just going to treat myself better. I know this is not going to be something that happens overnite but I am beginning.

This post is my first step. Now you all know and those near and dear will hold me accountable, Second step is to become more consistent with my Bible study. Thirdly, I will wear more of what I like. People have seen glimpses of my style but not on a consistent level or the quality that I really like. I spent the money on my kids and my husband. They were in the public eye more than I. Really, who neede to dress up to clean bathrooms. 😀 The kids are grown and hubby is no longer Pastor Carl and community activist. I am making it my turn now. Not making do any more. I’ve wanted to sew, so sew I will. Before the pandemic I had lost weight and was wearing clothes that I loved. I had replaced the fat clothes. Over this last year of isolation, I have regained the weight. Food was my only physical comfort. I will eliminate the vegan fast food and return to the healthier versions. I will lose the weight again but I will dress the fat body well in the mean time. Not waiting.

Let the refining and polishing begin. 70 is the new 40.

Observe, Ask, Listen!

by ladypbwiggins

I am a girl. I am a female. I am 100% woman. Societal stereotypes say there are certain things you are safe buying or doing for me because am a woman. What color is do people buy baby girls? Pink. Why can’t she have blue? What color are clothes bought for little girls? Pink. Why not green? As the little girl grows she may tell you what she likes but if she isn’t asked it will be assumed it’s pink. It doesn’t change much when she grows up. When a man doesn’t know his woman’s favorite color, pink is assumed to be safe. This is simply because she is female. Now layer my ethnic culture on that. Just because I am Black there are certain things that I absolutely prefer according to the stereotypes. Women don’t all like the same thing and no one thing clearly describe us. If that were so, the clothing, jewelry, cosmetic, hair and shoe industries would not exist. Understanding what I am about to say is crucial for some relationships. It is believed women are difficult to understand. We are not. There is a very simple method to understand us. Obseve and Ask.

So to those who have not understood, I will use me as an example. I don’t prefer pink or diamonds. I don’t like pastels. I am a bold color concentrated person. But I don’t prefer the bold winter colors. I prefer the fall colors found in nature. The stereotype would have me in ruffles. You know, frilly, girly stuff. I like clean lines and texture. When I drank liquor, I was a scotch, dry martini person. My sweetest drink was a margarita. My husband knew all these things before we were married. In the course of us developing a friendship he observed, asked and listened. When it became important to know he did. He could even choose clothes and jewelry for me with a high degree of certainty that I would like them.

I guess you’re asking “why is she telling us all this?” For those who didn’t get the memo, we are not all the same. Allow us to be collectively individual. We have individual taste. Yes there may be similarities but we have some differences. Give us room and stop trying to put us in your box. If you’re not sure what your woman likes, ASK! Then listen.There will be fewer misunderstandings. That has worked for my husband for 44 years. Oh and just so you know, if you are in a relationship or trying to develop one, don’t assume this woman likes something just because the last one did. Observe and ASK! Listen! Don’t ask the day before her birthday or your anniversary. Pay attention when your just having conversation and get those questions in there if she’s important to you. She will appreciate your wanting to know.

Remember Observe and Ask. Listen. Don’t Assume.

Intangible Wealth for the New Year

by ladypbwiggins

Many are waking up this morning with a deep sigh of relief. We made it to 2021. The hope is high that everything is going to be better than 2020. I have seen memes and cartoons expressing the expectations for 2021. But there was one that really stood out to me. The basic message was we were putting too much pressure on 2021. What magically changes because the calendar flipped a page?

I woke up this morning with this thought. I pray for all of us the intangible wealth that is available to us. I pray that we all are blessed with peace of mind, good health, love, true and honest relationships, a focus on those things that benefit not only ourselves but society at large. When we do this one person at a time within our sphere of influence, 2021 stands a chance at giving us all those things for which we hope. In other words, give to others what you hope to get. Sounds familiar doesn’t it. “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” Love your neighbor. The scripture says as you love yourself but many of us don’t love ourselves. So learn to love yourself but while you are learning, love others.

Eliminate the hate speech. We can disagree and discuss without it. Stop the name calling and labeling. You don’t like the negative adjectives used to describe or label you, so don’t lay on others. “Christians” stop with the self-righteous attitudes and behaviors. We have just as much sin in our lives as those we condemn. Let he who has no sin cast the first stone. He gave His life for those you condemn just as He did you. We were instructed to love not condemn. Condemnation hasn’t worked so let’s try His plan, Love. Loving someone doesn’t mean you necessarily agree with the person but you stand a greater chance of them hearing you when you are kind and nonjudgemental. The more I study Y’shua, the more I realize we have been doing it all wrong, so I proffer a change. If His Spirit really lives in you, allow Him to manifest His fruit in your lives and watch what happens to you and those around you.

So let’s give 2021 a chance and let’s do better. Let’s treat each other well. Let’s enjoy that intangible wealth that awaits us and brings more joy and enjoyment in our lives.

A Quiet Love Celebration

by ladypbwiggins

I was reminded today of the depth of love I have for my husband. Sometimes fatigue and a feeling of helplessness makes you impatient. Consistent rest is not something I get often. But this last week has been especially tiring. The last two nights 4 hours combined. But it was Christmas. This morning the emergency room became my Christmas celebration venue. Once I was there I forgot how tired I was. My husband’s care became my focus. Sitting in his emergency room watching him fluctuate between sleep and sharp pain, pierced my heart. Love overwhelmed me. He said this is the best party. You are together.

Love conquers all.

We usually think of wrongdoing but this time it conquered fatigue. I was ready for battle with the medical system which is sometime unreasonable. I was ready but it was not necessary. I guess that was my Christmas present.

Love was present. Love allowed me to be blessed and to be a blessing to some of the staff. Most of all, love sustained me. Love used the arms of my children and church family to hold me.

Now I am resting in love’s arms completely at peace. I miss my husband though not worried.

Thank you love for your birth, your life, your resurrection.

I had a very blessed Christmas Celebration.

Trying To Lift Without Leverage

by ladypbwiggins

A few minutes ago I was trying to help lift my husband from a very soft sofa. For those who know us know that is no easy feat. He is 6’7″ at 240lbs and I am 5’4″ and we want talk about the other 😂. We have a system and he wasn’t using it. He removed my leverage. Once we got back on the same page I was able to help him stand.

I began thinking about this principal’s application in other areas of my life, our lives. No matter how hard we try we can not be lifted nor can we lift anyone else without proper leverage. There are different leverages:money, knowledge, physical strength, strategy and the Word and Spirit of God.

For those of us who are believers of the teachings of Yeshua, I believe we have the ultimate, the maximum leverage. The power promised to us is our leverage. This power is based and saturated in love but it should be handled with care. It is as explosive as nitroglycerin.

Let’s learn to use this powerful leverage with knowledge and wisdom, compassion, empathy and love. Not just for fellow believers but for those who don’t believe His teachings; for those who hate us; for those who live by different lifestyles or rules. This leverage does not give us the right or responsibility to condemn those that may have a different belief system. Yeshua said to share His teachings and love and He would draw all to Himself.

With this leverage we can lift many and ourselves to higher heights.

A “Better”

by ladypbwiggins

I will be so glad when 2020 is over. I am so done with 2020. I can’t wait until 2021 gets here. To some these are cries of despair but I hear cries of hope, cries of possibilities. Hope that a “better” is coming. This has been a hard year in so many ways. I believe we all want a “better.”

But what will make January 1, 2021 different from December 31, 2020? What will make it “better”? We hold the answer. What do we, you, me need to do to get our “better” in our individual and collective lives? If we don’t analyze our situations and develop a plan, 2021 will look just like 2020. Now I hear you saying I can’t do anything about Covid and Congress. I believe we can. Congress is easier. Vote and for those who win hold them to their promises, hold them accountable. Demand that they work for us, all of us and not just those with money. We hold the power. I think we forgot that. As for Covid, we may not have the vaccine but we can make wise common sense decisions to reduce the spread and take care of ourselves and each other. Let’s stop thinking only about ourselves. Let’s let go of the venomous anger; the consuming hatred motivated by fear, feelings of inferiority and disrespect. Let’s treat people the way we want to be treated. I heard a country singer today express what many have discovered. The America he thought he lived in is a myth. His sentiments that followed said he realized he had to change his thinking and do something to help make the myth a reality for everyone. Hope, his hope for better.

We all have dreams, hopes for our lives. We can make actionable plans for those. Focus on that for a portion of your better.

I hope for a “better” 2021 also but I am beginning my 2021 now. This is my new revelation. My hope for my “better” begins today.

Who Forgot?

by ladypbwiggins

Did we forget or did they? The USA and its territories comprise a democratic republic. So what does that mean? Dictionary.com defines

Democracy – a system of government by the whole population or all the eligible members of a state, typically through elected representatives.

Republic – a state in which supreme power is held by the people and their elected representatives, and which has an elected or nominated president rather than a monarch. Or simply stated so kids can understand:

A republic is a form of government in which the people elect, or choose, their leaders. … They also elect other people, called representatives, to make laws. The leaders of a republic are responsible to the people who elected them.
republic – Kids | Britannica Kids | Homework Help

So we, the entire population, as a democratic republic hold supreme power in this government and we elect representatives to make laws that will benefit our entire populations. I don’t know if this has ever happened as designed but it is time to take the reigns and do something about it. In other words, the representatives work for us. If we hold the supreme power then this mess is our fault. We allowed these representatives and senators to remain in Congress long enough to acquire the kind of power they have and the thinking that we work for them. We should establish for their salaries, vacation times, health benefits, and everything else that employers do for employees. It occurred to me that the fear is not who we elect as president as much as it is who we send to Congress. Who’s up for re-election? It is clear that many don’t care not one little bit about the people they represent. They do’t talk about their constituents concerns. They talk more about the power they wield and how they are going to beat their opponent.

Let’s get it together and become better employers. Let’s give the senators and representatives an evaluation and vote them out if they don’t do well just like you would on any other job. It is not about personality. I might like you but if you have only spread derision and obstruction and very little to better the living conditions of the people who employ you then you have to go.

All the seats that are up for grabs this election should be carefully looked at and decisions should be made has to whether they should continue to represent you. Then we should require whomever wins to actually represent us. We have given away our power. We have been convinced that governing is too complicated for us to understand. No, it’s not. We may not know all the intricate details they are given but we can be informed by those representatives. During an election year, millions of trees die and my inbox is inundated with mail from people I don’t know to beg for my vote. Why can’t we be sent information through those same channels. The politicians don’t care if the person receiving their pamphlet or email is going to vote but they send it anyway. So it does’t matter if you think a person won’t read it, send it anyway. You might be surprised. Or is that what you fear? We might require you to do your jobs representing us rather than your own interest or the lobbyists?

Economically Foolish!

by ladypbwiggins

It’s been a few days since I posted about Jim Crow. A thought crossed my mind that deserved more attention. I am black and grew up in the south under that system and at the height of it’s destruction, some what. I had never given thought to how it affected any other group that was not white. Did they experience the same things I did? Did New Mexico and Arizona have Mexican only water faucets and bathrooms? Were there separate waiting rooms for them at the bus station or doctor’s office? Did they ride in the back of the bus? How were the Native Americans fare? Or the Asians?

Originally, I was looking at the economic impact this system had on the country. south in particular. It cost so much more to operate your business if you had to have double everything. Does that make sense? It is one more example of the stupidity hatred creates. Think about this. For many of those business owners it was a black woman caring for their child or cooking their food. She was in their homes all day. They weren’t afraid of contamination there. They weren’t afraid of her blackness rubbing off on them when she cleaned their toilets and washed clothes? Then why couldn’t she sit next to them at a lunch counter or in a theater or a doctor’s office. They would have saved so much money.

Just a thought.

Who Is Jim Crow?

by ladypbwiggins

Most of my young life I lived under the Jim Crow laws. But who exactly is Jim Crow? All this time I assumed he was someone politically influential during the Civil War or the Reconstruction. I finally looked him up only to discover he is a character in a minstrel show. An actor named Rice created a black-faced character for his show. It is said he was not the only but he was the most successful.  His character satisfied his audiences fascination with Black life, culture. It also provided the opportunity to create and perpetuate negative stereotypes. No one knows how this character became associated with the laws.

If we are not careful we might just allow another or other actors create and perpetuate negative stereotypes.  It has already led to increased public deaths: the new lynchings. Don’t let them take the vote. Even if you think nothing will change for us vote anyway. Don’t give your voice, your power away.

Great-grandmother: Strong Woman

by ladypbwiggins

I’ve been told that this woman was very mean but it is not something I experienced in my young life. She and my great grandfather  lived in what we called the country. When I went to visit them I was in her direct care. With him rules were more likely to be relaxed 😊.

So many memories include her kitchen and her front porch. My great-grandmother was an awesome cook. She raised the chickens and eggs we ate. She churned the butter from a neighbor’s milk. The jams, jellies and vegetables she made and canned in the summer fed us all winter. The fruit and vegetables came from their very large garden. I remember climbing the pear and apple trees to gather the fruit. I was in heaven. The next closest to heaven feelings were her feather mattresses and pillows she made from the chicken feathers. Unfortunately I never desired to learn these skills. I wish I had. She also taught me how to feed the chickens, clean the yard and empty what they called the  slop jar. Jobs I hated. It was not pig slop as you might imagine. It was human waste from the night 😖. It was a while before they got indoor plumbing. Going to the outhouse at night was not wise. Visits from snakes and such. Back to the yard. I had to sweep the dirt to clean up chicken poop and to minimize the dust blown into the house.  Can you get ready for that?😀. She was an immaculate homemaker and that included the yard.

The women on the hill were early risers so after lunch the porch sitting began. The women nearest my great-grandmother’s house gathered on her porch. It was large and you could see almost every other home from her vantage point. All the latest news and gossip was shared until it was time to prepare dinner.

This woman was strong. I didn’t realize how strong. When she died I discovered she was born just as slavery ended. I can’t remember if she was the last baby born under slavery or the first born after it ended. Nevertheless,  she grew up under Jim Crow laws. She never got to vote. She had to play the role of societal submissive for survival sake. This strong woman was humiliated so her family could live. She never talked about her childhood or even my grandmother’s. I guess that was just how they were. To move forward they let go the pain of the past and dealt with the conditions or realities of the present.

I miss the innocence that I was allowed to experience during visits to a rural place during unsafe times because of her.

Thank you to her and others like her.